Stay
by KesseliaBanta
Summary: Supplement to Bacon and Eggs. Tiner and Jodi backstory. Harm and Mac deal with the new breakfast menu.
1. Part 1

Supplement to "Bacon and Eggs".  
  
As per reader request: Jason and Jodi back story and the continuation of Harm and Mac through Christmas 2002. Also includes the bridge between 'Bacon and Eggs' and its follow up that is currently on the stove and cooking now.  
  
Summary:  
  
Harm & Mac: As soon as Mac realizes she let Harm too close for comfort, she retreats, leaving Harm insulted and kicks off the silent treatment. Harm discovers an unsettling tidbit about his father and, when he seeks out Mac for moral support about it, she's missing. Harm does the right thing by accident and wins her over.  
  
Jason & Jodi: YN3 Tiner was a bit of a jokester at his first duty station babysitting booters in an Orlando 'A' school. Despite warnings from his Chief, he falls for a quiet and sad bookworm of a student with no complications..Then Sadaam invades Kuwait, orders are cut, and Jason and Jodi face the biggest complication of all. -- Now, twelve years later, things have changed. Why is Jodi so harsh? Why is Jason so spineless? And why can't they meet in the middle like they used to?  
  
POVs: Tiner, Harm, Mac, and a little Jodi.  
  
Author's note: The Orlando scenes depict what life was like in the enlisted Navy late 80's. All characters and conversations in Orlando, except for Jason and Jodi, are based on real people and events. Women were not yet allowed in combat environments at the time, and the story of 'Vic Evans' and her sub duty request is absolutely true.  
  
Apologies: (A) Does not fit with the episodes during the 2002 season (B) A little bit more Jason and Jodi than Harm and Mac. There was a lot to cover. (C) Not sure if the dates match up between Orlando events and Jodi Young's history in Bacon and Eggs. Once I get confirmed background on Tiner's age and year of enlistment, Jodi will be edited to fit in both stories.  
  
JAG: "Stay" by Kesselia Banta Part 1  
  
**Barracks 173 Parking Lot. NTC Orlando, FL. August 1989**  
  
Boot camp graduated hundreds of fresh, virgin sailors every Friday afternoon, and every Friday evening, those brand new uniforms either climbed on busses and planes to get to schools and duty stations, or just marched right across the street to check into the schools right there on the same base. In Barracks 173, they checked in at about the same rate they checked out, about twenty bodies a week, but the school lasted so long that the seven story tall building housed a thousand students at a time. As each wing on each floor slowly emptied, another wing on an other floor filled up just as quickly, turning out electronics geeks on a ten month long conveyer belt.  
  
It was a production line, a factory job, and Petty Officer Jason Tiner had his duties mastered within a few months. He was one of the few real yeomen in the neighborhood, but as brand new YN3, his job was to make sure the clueless company yeomen did theirs. He was in dungarees today because of a watch he had to stand soon, and the iron-on crow on his short blue sleeve was so new and black it looked like he'd stenciled it with a Sharpie marker.  
  
PN1 Apples was a small woman and easy to get along with, and ETC Dicks was cool as long as you caught him after a cup of joe in the morning. It was quiet a shock for the booters to deal with the A school Company Commanders because they didn't yell in their faces and nobody was ever dropped push- ups. The last twenty-ish of their last companies graduated that afternoon and were prepped to be shipped out some time over the weekend. But PN1 Apples and ETC Dicks turned right around and marched to the parking lot to pick up the first twenty of their next companies.  
  
PN1 Apples called out to the courtyard and the parking lot to get all the booters to stand the line. ETC yelled the same but louder. The First Class ushered a small line of women in dress blues to stand at attention with sea bags at their feet, and ETC managed to get the small line of crackerjacks to do the same thing not five empty parking stalls away.  
  
All of the booter snoopy bowls were perfectly squared on their heads, and Tiner deliberately made sure his wasn't, just so he wouldn't look like a boot. But then, he had a crow on his sleeve now. He couldn't look like a booter if he wanted to.  
  
Tiner stood on the curb behind the PN1 and ETC until it he was summonsed, but he hardly stood at attention. Individually, the PN1 and ETC welcomed the new companies, told them what floor they were on and where they would bunk once they were let into the building, and basically acquainted them with the general bullshit of living here. PN1 identified her yeoman first and glanced back at Tiner. He hopped off the curb and strutted over to the brand new sailor. He hardly looked at her as he prepped the clipboard for her. "What position did you hold in boot?"  
  
She was at practiced attention and staring straight ahead, even if his shoulder got in the way of her line of sight. Her voice was fairly quiet, but clear enough. "Company Yeoman, Petty Officer."  
  
"Good. Then this won't be rocket science for you." He grinned a little and pointed at the stencil above his pocket. "Do you see this?"  
  
Her eyes flicked only to see what he was pointing at. "Yes, s-. petty officer."  
  
His eyes lit up. He almost got a 'sir' out of her. "Can you read it?"  
  
Her brown eyes flicked again. "It says, Tiner, sir."  
  
Twenty-one-year-old Tiner ate this up. "Actually, it just says, 'Tiner'. Not 'Tiner sir'."  
  
"Yes. Tiner."  
  
He flicked a grin, "Very good." He shifted to stand next to her and handed her the clipboard. "Do you remember you're primary duty as a company yeoman?"  
  
She took the clipboard and flicked her eyes forward to rattle away. "Yes. The company yeoman must know the location and status of every person in the company at all times."  
  
He smiled down at her, "Oh, you're gonna make my job so easy. Why couldn't I get you a day I wasn't on duty?"  
  
She breathed a nervous grin at that, completely unsure how to take this man. The PN1 called an At Ease, and Tiner's fresh company yeoman immediately stopped the life back into one foot. She didn't relax her shoulders, but did lift the clipboard to finally look at it. The muster list was blank. "It's empty."  
  
Tiner ducked his chin at her. "You *are* quick. Good to know they're not picking morons out to fix our ship board radar equipment."  
  
"Yes, s-" she exhaled through her nose looking none too pleased about this badgering.  
  
Blue eyes smiled arrogantly down at the woman. "Name, rank, and social."  
  
Brown eyes flew open again and stared at the air mechanically, "Young, Jodi K, Seaman apprentice, 663-22-0633."  
  
Tiner's eyes chuckled for him. She was pretty even if she hadn't been permitted to put on make up yet. Her hair was blonde and the standard bootcamp-bob was tucked back deep into the blue pisscutter. She had full lips that twitched with uncertainty from time to time, and big brown eyes behind those brown BC glasses that hung with a mild sadness. She was like the quiet and shy librarian a man was driven to coax back to life.  
  
He strived to make that full mouth crack into a grin. He took her hand that had the clipboard and pulled it up to her nose. He put a finger on the column headings of an empty muster list and read slowly as if to teach reading to a first grader. "Naaaaammme. Raaaaannnkk and S.S.N. stands for-"  
  
She snatched the clipboard away from her nose and pulled it away. She shot him a look of true insult.  
  
His eyes widened with glee and his mouth went round with surprise. "Ho! She does have a personality!" Like this was a rare discovery.  
  
She flattened her lips, yanked the pen from his hand and pulled the clipboard up to her nose. She wrote in her name, rank and social. "Do you enjoy this job, Petty Officer Tiner?"  
  
"Yes," he said, squaring his feet in front of her again, "But not as much as you're going to." He stepped back to rattle off the same old speech and wrote notes upside down on her muster list so she wouldn't forget. "The companies muster for breakfast at 0600. That means you are in the quad mustering your company as they come off the quarterdeck by 0500. When you've taken roll of everyone in your company, you give your muster list to me. If you can't find somebody, you come *get* me. If *we* can't find them, *we* go to the Division Chief and all (respectfully speaking) hell breaks loose."  
  
He handed the clipboard back to her. "Second verse same as the first in this same spot once the company returns from school everyday. Enjoy completing this muster list of your *leeetle beeety* company today, and by Monday muster I'll start giving you preprinted lists. By the time you graduate and get one of *these*" he pointed hard at the crow on his shoulder, "You'll have approximately two hundred shipmates to keep track of. Any questions?"  
  
In a few seconds, she glanced up. "Is that all?"  
  
He smiled with the dramatic act of being impressed. "You got all that the first time?"  
  
"Yeah, muster my company twice a day and if I get stuck come to you."  
  
Tiner blinked.  
  
"Right?" She didn't look humored by any of this, but she wasn't shuddering like a scared boot anymore. That was something.  
  
"Close enough for government work." Tiner smiled genuinely at her as he swiveled away so he could give the same abuse to the other company's unwittingly new yeoman. "Welcome to A school."  
  
Two, seven story, L-shaped buildings cuddled up to tower over a rectangular courtyard, affectionately known as the Quad. The old palm trees nearly reached the height of each barracks, the concrete was swept three times a day, and the well-graffitied picnic tables were usually littered with students, in uniform and out. Today, it wasn't. It was Payday Friday and most everybody was off having a good time somewhere else, especially the booters.  
  
Tiner turned over his watch at 19:48 and fetched a bag of Frito's from the geedunk shop. He'd missed evening chow, but he probably wouldn't have straggled one-point-two miles to get to the galley anyway. Even with his watch over, he couldn't leave area, so he figured he'd sit in the courtyard and watch the usual entertainment as the drunks and stragglers came in from the E-club. The first wouldn't roll in for hours though, and the place was going to be awfully quiet until then.  
  
He munched his chips as he stepped out to the quad and spotted the nervous blonde company yeoman. In lack of a civvies chit, she'd changed into her dungarees for the evening, had bought a brand new paperback out of the shop, and sat alone at a picnic table with her nose in it.  
  
Most booters, in fact *all* booters marching straight over from RTC were eager to throw their sea bags into brand new lockers, slap on some previously unavailable make up or cologne, and run like hell off base for the evening, if not the whole weekend. This was the first time he'd seen someone stay behind the first night out of boot camp. Suddenly, there was a mystery to be solved.  
  
Tiner strutted sailorly over, sat down directly across from her, and stared at her as he munched loudly on his chips to get her to look up.  
  
Her eyes peaked over her book.  
  
The bag of chips flicked her direction. "Want a Frito?"  
  
Her brows flicked a little. "No, thank you." She tried to look down at her book again.  
  
He continued to stare at her just to make her squirm.  
  
Her eyes drifted to him from under her brows.  
  
"I can think of a dozen things you'd rather be doing right now than read a book."  
  
Her eyes shifted quizzically, she sat up a little, "Such as?"  
  
"Go see a movie? Go shopping? Read a newspaper? Eat fast food?" These were the usual cravings of an escaping booter.  
  
She lifted the Stephen King in front of her and pointed out the one he'd missed. "Reading a novel?" You didn't get that in boot camp either.  
  
Tiner put his elbows on the table and shoved his cheek onto his fist. "Why aren't you trying to plunge back into the civilian world your first real weekend of freedom?"  
  
"Maybe I never wanted to be a civilian in the first place," she said from behind her book.  
  
Tiner's eyes lit in understanding. "You're a brat."  
  
She nodded, then shrugged. "I *was* a brat." The book flopped down, "Now I'm active duty."  
  
"Huh." He sat up. He narrowed his eyes at her. "You're gonna be one of those straight-laced, Four-Oh, lifers, aren't you?"  
  
She moved no more than her eyes to look at him. "That's the plan."  
  
He hacked in frustration. "Don't you laugh at anything?"  
  
She lifted a brow at him.  
  
He chuckled and slapped the table. "C'mon! You just got out of boot camp! Why are you acting like your dog just died!?"  
  
The tip of her tongue touched uncomfortably on her canine tooth. Her eyes shifted away in thought and back at him even more saddened than before. Then her nose went back into her book.  
  
Tiner's shoulder's melted. "Oh man, I'm sorry." He felt like a complete dope. "What kind of dog was he?"  
  
Her eyes moved up again.  
  
Tiner tried to make up for it by being caring about it. "What was his name?"  
  
Young inhaled a long breath and closed her book. She faced him but licked her lip nervously before she spoke. "It was actually my little brother."  
  
Tiner's mouth abruptly closed.  
  
"Are you done trying to make me laugh now?" Her tone sounded like a little kid with a saddened but curious question, but it was obvious she just wanted him to go away.  
  
They stared at each other for a long minute, and Tiner felt like he could see everything in her soul. She was numbed after a horrifying experience, but it had been long enough to make her want to just sit blankly and sadly about everything. She was like a child, so alone and depressed that she just wanted to sit in a corner and be left in peace.  
  
After all that teamwork and lean on your shipmates crap they shoved down her throat for two months, she was still so unable to shake it that she preferred to sit and hide in a paperback when she had every opportunity to do anything else.  
  
Tiner came to the conclusion that what she really needed was somebody to care. Tiner folded his arms on the picnic table, angled his head without breaking the stare, and said it as clearly as he decided it. "No."  
  
Her shoulders slumped a little and her brows slanted at this.  
  
He flicked the forgotten bag in her direction again, "Are you sure you don't want a Frito?"  
  
Jodi couldn't believe the nerve of this guy. Her eyes rolled in the air and almost smiled over this, "Yes, I'm sure I don't want a Frito."  
  
Tiner's eyes warmed at her, but he didn't know it at the time, "What's your name?"  
  
She smiled and pointed at the stencil over her breast pocket. "Can you read this?"  
  
He didn't even look at it. "No. I'm a yeoman. I can't read." He laughed a little. "You're *first* name." He turned away and smiled out a teasing curse, "dork."  
  
She picked a chip out of his bag and threw it at his face. "My first name is 'Jodi', dork."  
  
Tiner blinked at being whapped by a flying corn chip, but his eyes shined at her afterwards. "Jason."  
  
"Chasing?" She started to grin with confusion. "Chasing what?"  
  
He cocked his head a little and shifted, shoving his snoopy bowl forward over his eyes to hide them. "Well, I'm chasing you at the moment."  
  
She actually laughed with noise this time, but still rolled her eyes in disbelief.  
  
"*Jay-son*," he said again so she would understand it this time. He removed the cover from his eyes but this time tucked it back way too far. Now the snoopy bowl was on the back of his head revealing a few innocent brown curls above his forehead. He bit his lower lip a bit, delighted to get this woman to crack a smile.  
  
"Jason?" She asked softly, her eyes were hung on the way those baby blues were looking at her. "You're not going to go away, are you?"  
  
He folded his forearms on the tabletop and leaned over with a twinkle in his eye. "Do you really want me to?"  
  
Jodi's eyes studied him, still unsure about all this, but the expression on his face was cute. She didn't realize she was blushing at her loss for words until it came out in a true, wide smile.  
  
Tiner smiled from ear to ear back at her. "Then I guess I won't go." 


	2. Part 2

**Georgetown VA. December 20, 2002**  
  
There was a thick blanket of clouds over Eastern Virginia that only filtered the sunlight enough to look like a dreary gray day, but those clouds made up for it with giant flakes of snow. The pine trees looked like they had been drenched in icing. Soft, artistic-looking drifts swooped over the unused sections of sidewalk. Cars occasionally skidded down the street and the landlord was walking her Pekinese dog with the cutest red bow behind the left ear.  
  
Inside the apartment was dark and warm, and the peach-colored sheets were tangled in all directions. Harm was on his back. One hand had fallen to the pillow over his head and the other rested on his naked chest. He opened his eyes with a few groggy blinks, licked the sleep from his lips, and inhaled sharply through his nose as he woke up. He focused on the ceiling.  
  
Harm smiled as wide as his mouth would go.  
  
It wasn't his ceiling.  
  
Blue eyes glowed when he turned his head and found exactly what he was looking for. Mac was still asleep, and still was wearing nothing but a pair of diamond earrings.  
  
The pale peach sheets were tangled around her, but there was enough of a corner to cover the middle section of him. He rolled slowly onto his side, tucked his elbow under his ear, and just watched her sleep for several minutes.  
  
He smiled again.  
  
When Mac started to wake up, she bumped into him before she opened her eyes. She paused, surprised.  
  
His voice rumbled out soft and playful, but still quiet with sleep, "Your on my side of the bed."  
  
She snickered as she dove her face into the pillow and tried to get a grip on this. The Morning After always had a tendency to feel a little strange; the first Morning After she had with this man topped the charts, but this one felt much different. Her breath made lots of noise against the pillow as she pulled in a sigh and blew it out again. Her soft whine was grinning, "What have we done?"  
  
Harm only chuckled, but it withered away too quickly. "I don't know," he sighed.  
  
Mac turned her head up to finally look at him. He had dropped his eyes to the sheet, considering things. He sighed again and seemed to force a grin when he met her eyes. It was a look that admitted he had no more answers than she did.  
  
Mac folded her lips closed and shifted to roll to her side, but it turned out that her body was wrapped in the sheet backwards. As she rolled to him, the corner that covered him slid off.  
  
Mac's eyes widened as she realized what was happening. She reached and scrambled to keep it from slipping completely away, but all her efforts to reach for it made it slip away that much faster.  
  
By the time she figured out why one movement caused the next, she was nearly sitting up and grabbing for the last dribbling corner, but she missed. Her hand whipped back in the air before she accidentally grabbed the body part that was underneath.  
  
Harm fell onto his back and laughed.  
  
Mac's face reddened as she slapped his knee. She pressed the front of the sheet to her body an untangled it from her legs. He kept cackling an Alan Alda laugh with tears seeping from his sparkling eyes. She grumbled at him, deliberately threw half the sheet back over his naked body, and plopped her back down onto her bed, stiff and prone.  
  
Harm was still calming his giggles when he rolled to look at the side of her pent face. She'd simply had a knee jerk reaction, he understood that, but he couldn't help himself getting into trouble. He reached slowly over and gathered the sheet in his hand above her stomach.  
  
Mac grabbed it and held it down with both flat arms. "Harm," she warned the hand that threatened to rip the cotton membrane from her body.  
  
His teeth gritted an evil grin and his fingers tightened hard around the sheet.  
  
Her eyes flared, "Harmon!"  
  
He bit his lower lip, yanked, and was already laughing again when the sheet fluttered away in the air with the flowing art of a bull-fighter teasing a Toro. She instantly yanked it back, but that was okay because female flesh had to scramble across his midsection to grab it out of the air. which was the whole intent in the first place.  
  
She wrapped it around her torso again but a pair of big hands was already trying to pull her in.  
  
Mac huffed and flicked an angry look down at him. It was only funny to a point.  
  
"I'm sorry," he said honestly but didn't let her go. His eyes urged her to relax a little.  
  
She blew up at her fitful hair and ducked her forehead down to his shoulder. She wasn't on top of him, not really even cuddled up next to him, but it was still too close and too naked for her to be comfortable with.  
  
Harm stared up at the ceiling again and his whole glee about it evaporated. "We've been friends too long, haven't we?"  
  
Her forehead nodded against his shoulder without hesitation.  
  
They'd worked so hard for so many years to see each other only as working buddies that this was going to take a lot of getting used to. Suddenly, their relationship was on the rockiest, most dangerous ground it had ever been: from one moment to the next, neither knew where they stood with the other.  
  
"Do you have any plans today?" He asked respectfully.  
  
She shook her head at first, then shrugged a shoulder, "I have couple of errands.."  
  
He looked down and lazily tried to comb the new dread lock she had forming on the back of her crown. "Well, let's go on errands together. We can talk."  
  
She shook her head and shifted so she could lift herself up on her elbows. She sniffed and rubbed her nose with the back of her hand. "Every time we try to 'redefine' this thing, we just end up in the same place again." She looked over at him at the end, making him admit it was true with her eyes.  
  
Harm lifted his brows. He grinned wide and pointed at the bed they're naked bodies were laying in. "*This is* a different place, Mac."  
  
She blushed a smile and ducked her face into the back of her hand again. The male laughter in her bedroom felt too good to deny.  
  
He was getting loud now and in argumentative mode, but the smile was still in his voice. "You're obviously uncomfortable. Let's get showered, dressed, and into a neutral environment. We can talk about our relationship, the law we just broke, or the price of rice for all I care.." His chuckle started to die again as he realized they did just break a law. "But let's just go talk."  
  
She was quiet for a moment and still hiding her mouth in the back of her hand. Harm slumped back from his soapbox and went back to the task of combing the knot from her hair.  
  
Eventually, he stopped and dropped his hand with a small huff.  
  
Mac flicked her face up, whipping the long hair away from her face and looked at him with an open mouth. "You're right."  
  
He gave her a quiet nod and smile.  
  
She deliberately pulled the sheet off of him this time so she could wrap herself up in it. "But I want breakfast first."  
  
Harm batted out several blinks at once, let the sailor shine through his smile, and ducked his voice with a you-don't-have-to-tell-me-twice, "Aye aye."  
  
She sat up, slapped his arm, and wrapped herself up in the sheet to climb off the bed. "I meant food."  
  
"Oh." He fought a grin. "Okay."  
  
Mac tried to stay indignant with him, but was shaking her head and sighing out a smile by the time she disappeared into the bathroom.  
  
It turned out that Mac had no food in her refrigerator to speak of, but Harm didn't discover this until he was showered and back into the same wrinkled suit he'd arrived in, and by the time he discovered it, she was dressed and pocketing her keys to leave.  
  
She was in a pair of jeans, a big sweater, her suede snow-coat over all of that and was stomping her feet into thick hiking boots by the time Harm emerged to realize what was happening.  
  
"My cupboards are bare," she reported as she hurried about her apartment to leave. "We'll have to grab something on the way."  
  
Harm winced as he tried to smooth the jacket down over his breasts. *Grab something? Are we in a hurry?* "Can we stop by my place so I can change?"  
  
She flicked a nod and stuffed her wallet in her big pocket. "Sure."  
  
His brows flicked at how she was flitting about her apartment. He stepped over to her and leaned to try to get into her line of sight. "Mac."  
  
She continued to fumble through her purse to find if there was anything else in there that she needed. A few items were stuffed into her big coat pockets so she wouldn't have to take the bag with her.  
  
Harm shifted his feet a little closer, and raised his voice, "Mac." It was like she was nervous around a stranger. He was driven to remind her that it was just *him*. He noticed her naked earlobes. She'd stripped the earrings.  
  
Harm hadn't expected her to wear them today, but somehow it made him realize what was going on. He took her elbow and gently tried to pull her from her task. "Mac, listen to me-"  
  
"Neutral environment," she insisted quickly. She pulled her elbow from him and put her palms in the air to get him to back off. "You promised me a neutral environment first." She didn't actually look at his eyes until she was done saying it.  
  
Harm pressed his mouth closed, put his hands on his hips, and nodded at the floor.  
  
Mac stepped quickly away to snap off the lights in the kitchen and living room. Harm watched her from the side of his eyes as he slipped on his black overcoat, and pretended not to notice the way she stormed out the door and locked it behind them both.  
  
The drive over to his apartment wasn't silent, but it wasn't deep either. Harm tried not to force the conversation anyway. He trusted the ice would melt as the day progressed. When they reached his place, she looked even more on guard. As he closed and locked his own front door, she took two steps in, shoved her hands in her coat pockets, and looked around the place as if it were the first time she'd seen it.  
  
"I'll just be a minute," he muttered, watching her with worry until he'd completely stepped away.  
  
She looked at his kitchen and his black refrigerator. She looked at the couch and the coffee table. She saw his stereo and his guitar case, the bookshelf and the pictures.. Mac's mouth dropped open with a brave sigh. This used to be Renee's turf. Mac's feet were firmly planted as she looked around some more. It was Jordan's turf and Annie's turf. It was his apartment but it was their turf. And now it was her turf..  
  
She looked up into the rafters and managed to turn a little. He was behind the frosted, seventies-style glass and already donning a fresh set of clothes. She wondered how many women had been behind that glass.  
  
Mac felt like the odd-man out. She felt like the last to be picked in a childhood game at recess. *Red Rover Red Rover Send Sarah on over!* If nobody else could break that hard chain of hands and into his soul, what in the world made her think that she could?  
  
Harm stepped out again, fully dressed and ready for marching through the snow if the need arose. He hooked a blue scarf around his neck as he looked at her. "You all right?"  
  
She lifted her chin, faking it like a pro, and nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine."  
  
But that never worked with him. He lifted a brow, shoved gloves into his coat pockets, and visibly left her comment unhindered. "So, which neutral environment would you like to visit first?"  
  
"Break-" her eyes closed when she stopped herself and bloomed into an aggravated smile.  
  
Harm licked his lower lip and tried not to chuckle again. He forced his voice to stay neutral. "How about pancakes?"  
  
Mac's shoulders shuddered a little and she, too, forced her voice to stay neutral. "Yes. Pancakes work."  
  
Harm nodded once, stepped to the door and opened it for her.  
  
She walked through it, already relaxing as she waited for him to lock up. "But I want some meat for breakfast," she admitted easily and knowing it wasn't something she could talk him into. She led the way to the elevator as soon as he was ready.  
  
Harm's mind tripped into the gutter for only a split second, and mumbled behind her, "Not bacon though, I'm assuming."  
  
She squinted and motioned the severity with her hand as she turned in the elevator. "No, like steak or ham."  
  
Harm pulled down the elevator door and winced. "Steak for breakfast?"  
  
Mac leaned against the wall, "Haven't you ever heard of steak and eggs? It's a rancher's breakfast."  
  
Harm activated the elevator and fought not to pull the conversation back into the gutter. He smiled and admitted it, "Yes, I have."  
  
Mac smiled, "There's a good greasy spoon in Crystal City."  
  
He paused in a long blink, and grinned what this greasy spoon probably looked like, "You want to go out for breakfast at Mel's Diner?"  
  
"They're the only places that can cook a decent plate of steak and eggs." She pulled the elevator door open and shrugged as she strutted out. "Besides, no one we know will be there."  
  
Harm had to acknowledge that with a nod and followed her to his SUV, but they'd barely hit the road when he decided that his car was neutral enough. His eyes occasionally flicked over to get clues on her demeanor. She was staring out at the Lincoln Memorial as they went around the loop and continued to stare blankly at the half-frozen Potomac as they went over it.  
  
"Talk to me, Mac," his voice was the same old, soft order.  
  
She inhaled and lifted her face away from her daze. Her mouth was open and her eyes were clear, but she didn't speak.  
  
Harm's eyes flicked over again and worry crossed his mouth. Hardened eyes moved back to watch where he was driving, and the anger yelled in the back of his mind. *Don't do this to me again!* He pulled in a deep breath to cool his gut reaction and softened his voice before it had a chance to grow stiff. "You want me to start?"  
  
Mac's chin lowered with the thought. She nodded without looking at him. "Yes, please."  
  
He nodded carefully. "Okay." But he didn't know where to start either. He bit his lower lip until it hurt. "Damnit," he muttered.  
  
She did look because she already knew the expression on his face, and she had to smile at it. "I think you had it right the first time: We've been friends for too long."  
  
His voice was barely there. "Too long for what?"  
  
Mac looked over, a little shocked, then she looked out the windshield, searching for the answer. He had a valid argument. Where *had* they intended to go with this, anyway?  
  
"I think," he said defeated, "that we have been friends too long to have problems with a topic like this." Blue eyes could have sliced through her if she dared enough to look that direction.  
  
But Mac had closed her eyes at it. She looked out the passenger window again and barely motioned directions for him to the restaurant.  
  
Harm swallowed hard and drove all the way to the parking lot without saying anything more. His discontent was clear enough - it was time for the next neutral environment.  
  
"Two please," Mac muttered and the waitress showed them to a booth.  
  
Harm wasn't far off when he imagined the place. Booths lined the window, bar seating was across the aisle, and the kitchen was behind the bar, that was it. Patrons in flannel and work clothes were already wolfing down big stacks of pancakes and gallons of boot-leather coffee. And the turquoise, plastic covered booth-seat had a permanent indentation from the weight of thousands of fat asses.  
  
Mac sat down with her back to the door, and Harm took off his coat to throw it to the window end of the booth. As soon as the waitress was sent to fetch coffee, he settled in, folded his hands on the table, and leaned back in the seat to stare at her.  
  
Mac watched out the window like she was bored, but she didn't pull off the act very well.  
  
He leaned into the table and rested his weight on his elbows. "You're afraid," he pointed out.  
  
Her eyes flicked over indignantly. "And your not?"  
  
He angled his head and winced at her. "Of course I am."  
  
Mac thought on this a moment, rested her elbows on the table and lowered her voice. "What are you afraid of?"  
  
His breath quivered as he pulled it in. He looked at her, at the table, and shrugged at the air around him when he grinned pitifully, "You."  
  
She actually smiled at that and lifted a brow. "Would you mind elaborating?"  
  
He sat back up and smiled a little as the coffees arrived. They killed time sipping and stirring milk until the waitress went away again. This gave Harm time to think over his words first. "I'm afraid I'm going to fall too hard, and you won't." He said carefully, but faced her honestly about it.  
  
Her brown eyes warmed at that, almost to the point of being embarrassed about it. It was the first warm look he'd seen all day.  
  
She pulled her mug to her full lips and talked behind it before she sipped. "Has that ever happened to you before?"  
  
Harm thought long and hard on that one, really trying to figure out if it had, but he had to shake his head in the end. "Not to the extent I'm fearing now."  
  
Mac put down her mug. "You're a control freak," she pointed out easily. "As long as I've known you, you can't let go of enough control to even get close to such a risk."  
  
Harm stuck his tongue into his molar and, this time, he was the one to look out the window at anything else.  
  
"Me? I'm just." she burst out an smile of discomfort, "terrified of-" she stopped and swallowed.  
  
"The same thing," he said, looking at her again. "You're not a control freak, but you're terrified of the same thing." He leaned forward again, curling his cup into him so he could lean on his elbows. "As long as I've known you, you haven't let any man get near you."  
  
She winced and searched the air, "What about Mic?"  
  
"*Mic left* because you wouldn't let him near you."  
  
Mac leaned forward caustically, "I almost married the man."  
  
His face soured comically. "Don't remind me."  
  
"Harm," she hissed. She closed her eyes in a silent curse and tried to rub an eyebrow to relax. "Where do you intend to go with this? How far could this possibly go with the two of us still in the same command?"  
  
His whole face wrinkled like he'd just swallowed a mouthful of curdled milk. "We don't need a battle plan, Mac."  
  
She pressed her mouth and looked away.  
  
"You certainly didn't seem to need one yesterday," he pointed out. "We've been fine with this for two months. Why the sudden change of heart?"  
  
"*We broke the law, Harm.*" Mac almost shouted to point this out to him. Her eyes were firm.  
  
Harm dropped his eyes to the table. He thought long and hard for a rebuttal, but there was none to be had.  
  
*Bebebebebeeep*  
  
Harm groaned at the sound of his muffled cell phone and dropped his forehead to his fists.  
  
*Bebebebebeeep*  
  
Harm lifted his head quickly and scrambled his folded coat to retrieve the phone from his pocket. "Rabb."  
  
Mac motioned to the waitress to come back in a few minutes for their orders. She sipped her coffee and waited patiently.  
  
"Yes, sir." Harm's face went serious. "Is she all right?"  
  
Mac lifted her face again, alert.  
  
"Yes, sir. I'll be there in a few minutes." He started collecting his coat. He gave Mac an apologetic glance as her face died in disappointment.  
  
"Yes, sir, I will." He hung up.  
  
"What happened?" Mac asked, pulled out money for the coffee.  
  
Harm inhaled to speak-  
  
Beedlebeedlebeedlebeep  
  
Mac sighed in disbelief and exchanged glances with him as she dug out her phone. "Colonel MacKenzie."  
  
The Admiral's voice was cool and serious. "Colonel. I need a personal favor. Are you available to spend an hour at my place this morning?"  
  
"Yes, sir," she said, getting up.  
  
"There's been an incident at Ms. Cavanaugh's college. I need you and Rabb here to help me ease her concerns."  
  
Mac looked at Harm, "*Us*, sir?"  
  
The Admiral clearly nodded, knowing it sounded strange. "I'll explain when you get here."  
  
"Yes, sir. I'll be there as soon as I can." She hung up the phone just as Harm was donning his coat again. "So much for steak and eggs, I guess."  
  
He waved apologies at the waitress and turned back to Mac. He held out a hand.  
  
Mac looked at it. Her eyes flicked up to him. "You want my cell phone?"  
  
Harm closed his eyes for a quiet moment, opened them again and gritted his teeth when he took a step to her. He reached down to her side, grabbed her hand, and turned to walk out the door while practically dragging her behind him.  
  
Mac snickered as she got the general idea, but grinned at his broad back that he managed it as romantically as a caveman with a club over his shoulder. 


	3. Part 3

**Admiral Chegwidden's House,. Arlington, VA. December 20, 2002**  
  
Harm and Mac were already in the neighborhood. It only took them seven minutes to get to the Admiral's quiet street and park. The walk had been shoveled already, but Harm also took note that Mc. Cavanaugh's car was still covered with last night's snow. He motioned to it when they stepped on the porch. Mac grinned about it.  
  
"Meredith," the Admiral growled from somewhere inside. "It's not my jurisdiction!" He was loud and getting angry, but his voice was pleading at the same time. He clearly wanted the woman to just drop it.  
  
Meredith, however, was as strong as she needed to be to pull off being the Admiral's girlfriend, "That never stopped you before!"  
  
Harm winced dramatically at Mac. Mac didn't want to, but she forced herself to ring the doorbell.  
  
In two stomps, Meredith flicked the door open and smiled at them, already throwing the debate their way. "If a Navy officer commits a crime off base, you would get in the middle of the investigation, wouldn't you?"  
  
Harm stepped in cautiously and glanced at the Admiral as he cleared the door. "It depends on the situation, ma'am."  
  
Mac stepped in and let Meredith lock the cold out again. She shoved her hands into her coat pockets and listened to the woman's concerns.  
  
"A friend of mine was violently raped on campus Thursday night. She identifies the man as wearing a Naval officer's uniform." She flapped her hands at them, "Now why can't you investigate and nab him!?"  
  
Harm pretended he hadn't heard the Admiral's shout. "It's not our jurisdiction, ma'am. The civilian police will lead the investigation, and NCIS will assist as long as the suspect looks to be a Naval Officer."  
  
Mac spoke soft but clear. "Traditionally, the case doesn't come to us until someone has been arrested."  
  
Meredith took in a long breath to argue that, but the smoke alarm went off in the kitchen.  
  
Harm turned in that direction. Meredith huffed and stormed passed AJ, and Mac bit her lower lip at the Admiral's smoldering reaction.  
  
At the other end of the living room, Admiral Chegwidden folded his arms at his chest and dropped his head.  
  
Harm and Mac glanced at each other.  
  
The smoke alarm silenced.  
  
"She invited Tiner and Jodi to brunch this morning," the Admiral explained in a low voice as he sat down on his couch, clearly not very pleased about that either. "We got the call about her colleague just as she started cooking breakfast."  
  
Mac glanced around, "Where's Tiner and Jodi, sir?"  
  
"I sent them to the store for milk," AJ nearly laughed. "Tiner lit out of here like his ass was on fire."  
  
Harm sat down on the love seat and set his elbows on his knees. "What would you like us to do, sir?"  
  
The Admiral dropped his hand and looked up. "I just needed back up. Meredith said that if you two would back me up, she would drop it. You know I don't like airing my laundry. And with enlisted here on a 'social call'." he shook his head and flapped a hand on the armrest.  
  
Mac got up again. "I'll go talk to her, sir."  
  
Harm glanced up as she went and leaned his elbows on his knees. His voice was back to business. "What are the details of the case, sir?"  
  
"We only know third hand information from Meredith's phone call. Professor Brady was finishing up a night class on campus and was attacked in the parking lot by a man who was wearing a Naval officer's uniform." The Admiral lifted his brows as he continued, not looking at Harm as he explained. "The man beat her and raped her and left her unconscious by her car. That's all we know."  
  
"You didn't call the police to find out more, sir?"  
  
*Ding Dongggggg*  
  
AJ shook his head and smiled as he started to get up. "I *will*," he said like that should have been obvious, and went to the let the enlisted couple into his house, "just not *yet*."  
  
Harm lifts his face with a long, suddenly understanding nod.  
  
"Everything alright, Admiral?" Tiner said with concern as he stepped in with a large, full, grocery bag in his hand. Jodi stepped in behind him with a second bag that was just as full. They'd killed almost forty-five minutes buying anything they could think of just to give the Admiral the time he needed.  
  
The Admiral closed the door behind them. In silent understanding, Jodi took the grocery bag from her boyfriend and hurried to make herself scarce in the kitchen. She saw Harm, but gave him only an uncomfortable grin as she passed.  
  
Tiner saw Commander Rabb also, licked his lips nervously, and shifted his eyes to his boss. AJ was standing by the door still and rubbing his mouth as he flipped through ideas about what to do. Tiner winced a careful offer, "We can do this another time, sir."  
  
AJ flicked his eyes over, lifted his head to glance at Rabb, and shook his head. "Naw, don't worry about it." He waved a hand away from the offer and strolled back to his chair, "She's only gonna be here a couple of days."  
  
Tiner took a few more seconds before following the man over. He glanced at the Commander and tried to smile, "Good morning, sir."  
  
Harm just waved a little.  
  
Tiner stepped cautiously over to the nearest chair, glanced at the two of them again, fumbled his thumb between his fingers, and sat down. He looked like he was trying to sit at attention.  
  
Harm snuck a smile at him.  
  
"Get out," Jodi said, yanking their attention. She sounded like she was shooing a cat with a broom. "Go on. Get out."  
  
Meredith and Mac reluctantly stepped out of the kitchen. Meredith sighed and fretted about her lack of convincing arguments and Mac gave Harm a glance about this socially insane situation. Jodi stopped at the kitchen door and called between their shoulders. "Jason?"  
  
Tiner snapped to a stand, eager like a pup. "Yes?"  
  
She waved him over, "You wanted me to show you how to make biscuits?"  
  
His brows twitched, "I did?" Then his eyes went wide with a smile. "Yes, I did!" He stepped around the Commander's legs. "I mean, I do. I mean-" he stepped between the women, "excuse me." He moved through the kitchen door, muttering in a new voice to Jodi before it had a chance to swing closed. "*Thank you.*"  
  
Meredith plopped down on the end of the couch, not far from Harm, but not far enough for Mac to want to sit between them. Mac carefully sat down on the loveseat instead.  
  
"Thank you for coming," Meredith told the two and clearly hoped that the pair of opinions would outrank the Admiral's decision. "Evelyn Brady is a friend of mine," she told them, then faced AJ. "And for friends and relatives, you have poked your noses into cases that weren't in your jurisdiction. Why doesn't my friend rank too, hm?" She looked at each of them in the eye until each of them diverted their eyes.  
  
Meredith didn't get what she was looking for. The Commander and Colonel gently gave her the same string of legalese to explain why they had no right to stick their noses in it. The most AJ would promise her is to personally look over the shoulders of NCIS to ensure no stone lie unturned. But the rapist was still at large, and hundreds of professors, Meredith included, still had night classes to teach. She wasn't going to feel comfortable until the man was caught, and she clearly didn't understand why AJ would. The conversation went in circles for nearly twenty minutes. It only managed to exasperate the Admiral and upset Meredith even more.  
  
Tiner made sure he accidentally kicked the kitchen door before he opened it again. He innocently brought out a platter filled with glasses of orange juice and started setting up the dining table without even glancing at the living room, but he knew damned well that they were far from reaching a settlement about it.  
  
Meredith pulled herself off the couch and hurried over. "Oh, Tiner, I'm sorry. You're supposed to be *our* guests," she tried to smile.  
  
Jodi came out with two full plates of breakfast and set them down on the table. "S'all right. Special circumstances. We understand."  
  
Meredith pushed into the kitchen with a warming voice, "I can at least set the table."  
  
"Would you like to stay for breakfast?" The Admiral offered to Harm and Mac, noisily trying to lighten the mood a little.  
  
Mac glanced at Harm. They still had to talk.  
  
The Admiral stood, picked up an old cup of coffee from earlier, and growled as he stepped away, "That was an order."  
  
Harm rolled his eyes at Mac, grinned a little, and got up.  
  
The first plate went to the head of the table just before the Admiral sat down in it. It was clear Meredith was still upset because she lost her argument with them. Tiner ushered the woman to the table and pulled out a chair for her. He teased lightly that he didn't get to do this sort of thing very often and begged her to give him the chance. But, as soon as the petty officer finished putting napkins and silverware out, he too was ushered to sit down. Jodi was practically buzzing around like a waitress and it was clearly in everyone's best interest just to stay out of the way.  
  
The Admiral waved for the aide to sit down at his left side. "Sit down and relax, Tiner."  
  
Tiner's eyes flicked a bit, but he sat down and put his napkin in his lap. Jodi disappeared back into the kitchen for more servings.  
  
Mac slid into a chair next to Meredith and touched the woman's arm to quietly express her apologies. In concert, Harm sat down at the opposite head of the table and loudly forced the conversation onto something else. "So, Tiner, how's the campaign coming?"  
  
Jodi emerged with two full plates and slid them carefully in front of Harm and Mac.  
  
Tiner's brows lifted, "Campaign, sir?"  
  
"The campaign in getting me to move to DC, Jas," she grinned and patted his shoulder before disappearing again.  
  
"Oh, ah." Tiner smiled and reached for his glass of orange juice. "She's worried about moving her kids, sir."  
  
The Admiral nodded wisely at that. "Have you met her children yet?"  
  
Tiner pressed his mouth and shook his head, then shrugged. "Well, over the phone."  
  
Jodi came back out with two more plates, but her feet slowed when she saw Meredith's fretting expression. "Ms. Cavanaugh?" She asked as she slid the last plate of food in front of Tiner. "May I ask you something?" Her voice sounded innocent and curious.  
  
Meredith nodded. "Please do."  
  
"Ms. Brady, is she's going to take some leave to recover?"  
  
The Admiral sighed stiffly. Jason tried to nudge her to shut up.  
  
Ms. Cavanaugh nodded again, "More than likely."  
  
"Are you going to take over her classes when spring semester starts up?"  
  
Meredith blinked at the sudden left turn and shook her head. "No. Ms Brady is a history professor. I teach Shakespeare."  
  
Jodi leaned her elbows against the back of her empty chair and shifted her weight on one foot. "Yeah, but, you took history. You could pull it off, right?"  
  
Meredith's eyes shifted at the strange question. "Yes, I could, but-"  
  
Jodi winced nearly to an innocent whine, "She was your friend. Why can't you take over her classes?"  
  
Meredith settled in to explain the way colleges work to the budding teacher. "They'll get a substitute or another professor from the same department to take over her classes, but it won't be *me*. I'm in a different depart-" she stopped herself "..ment."  
  
Meredith's eyes shined to Jodi like it was a prank.  
  
"So. in other words, " Jodi grinned low and careful. "It's not you're jurisdiction?"  
  
The Admiral glanced over. Mac tucked a smile. Harm gave Jodi some silent kudos and Tiner's eyes widened a little to fear everyone's reaction.  
  
Meredith's brow lifted as she nodded respectfully at the young woman, "You really are going to be a teacher, aren't you?"  
  
Jodi only shined proudly and moved back to the kitchen to fetch the rest of breakfast.  
  
Meredith sighed, glanced at AJ, and waved a hand at him. "All right. I'll back off."  
  
Tiner sat across from her, but looked like he was trying to disappear into the chair.  
  
AJ sat back in his head chair, folded his arms at his chest, and shifted his eyes to his quivering aide. "Tiner," he said loudly and sounded like he was mad.  
  
Tiner swallowed and blinked over. "Yes, sir?"  
  
The Admiral barely nodded. "Keep her."  
  
Tiner's fear collapsed in a full breath that looked like he'd been holding it for days. He smiled wide and sparkly. "Yes, sir."  
  
Jodi came back out with a large plate of hot, buttermilk biscuits and put them directly into the easy reach of the boss before sitting down herself. Breakfast turned out to be French-fry-cuts of home-style potatoes, fluffy scrambled eggs, and perfectly crispy, long strips of bacon.  
  
Meredith sat up curiously, "What happened to the strawberry crepes?"  
  
Jodi put her napkin on her lap and grinned out a phony, valley-girl accent. "Okay, like- I don't even know what a crepe *is*."  
  
The Admiral took a biscuit and passed the plate along with a humored grin.  
  
Mac fiddled with her fork for a moment, trying not to giggle at the menu. She glanced at Harm. He was still sitting back in his chair, looking at the dead animal on his plate, and lifting his eyebrows for an idea how to pull this off politely without resorting to something that would feel like cannibalism.  
  
Mac actually did snicker a little at that. She hid her grin behind a fork full of eggs.  
  
Jodi passed Harm the plate of biscuits, but her brows furrowed. "What's the matter?"  
  
Harm sighed a little, but the Admiral spoke before he had the chance. "The Commander is a vegetarian."  
  
Jodi's chin wrinkled at her goof. "Ack, I'm sorry." She started to get up.  
  
Harm waved a hand at her as he sat forward, "No, no. It's alright." He picked up his fork and looked down at the food. "I can handle it."  
  
Mac dabbed her mouth with her napkin and lifted her brows at him.  
  
He glanced to Mac and shrugged a shoulder.  
  
Trying to make up for it, Jodi started placing giant biscuits on his plate too, just so he could non-chalantly *not* eat the bacon and eggs.  
  
"Thank you," he said, as she put another one on. "Wait-" she put on two more. "Stop." He grabbed her wrist.  
  
Jodi stopped and passed the plate of biscuits to Mac.  
  
Mac passed them up with humored eyes. "No, thank you."  
  
"My God, these biscuits are perfect!" the Admiral exclaimed, looking at the biscuit in his hand like it was a genuine find.  
  
Tiner grinned from ear to ear. "Half her uncles are from Texas, sir," he boasted to his Texan boss. "Her grandmother taught her how to cook in Austin."  
  
The Admiral took another bite and raised the biscuit in the air as a toast to Jodi.  
  
Harm tried a small bite of eggs. His face tightened.  
  
Mac covered her reddening face with her free hand.  
  
Jodi reached over and yanked the plate away from him. "Okay, *you* stop."  
  
Harm swallowed it down like it was a fly and blinked when he realized what she was doing. The woman scraped the bacon and eggs off Harm's plate and onto Tiner's. Meredith dropped her fork and laughed. Tiner winced and pleaded through tight teeth, "What are you doing?"  
  
"I'm a civilian, I don't hafta follow anybody's orders." She said easily and put the plate back in front of Harm with nothing but country potatoes and biscuits. She added more biscuits and then passed over the butter, honey and jam so Harm could fill up on starches instead. Harm muttered at her continually through the procedure. "Thank you. That's enough. Um, Jodi-- thank you."  
  
"There. Eat." She ordered the man without looking at him.  
  
"So, Jodi," the Admiral announced as he buttered up a brand new biscuit. "How are the moving plans coming along?"  
  
Most of the meal was spent probing Jodi for valid reasons behind her hesitation. She produced two: Gary and Skyler. Moving around had already been difficult on them, and she forced everyone at the table to admit that being a Navy brat was rough.  
  
The idea that her children would instantly become Navy brats rose eyebrows, but her left hand was in her lap at the time.  
  
"Are congratulations in order?" The Admiral asked.  
  
Tiner's eyes flicked over to him, shocked and terrified.  
  
Jodi glanced easily over, dabbing her mouth with her napkin and grinning at the nervous man at her side. "Sir, I'm not sure Jason has realized." she paused to word it carefully, "all that would be required of him if my children and I uprooted to move here."  
  
The admiral looked down at his plate to study for his next bite. "I see," he said wisely, and grinned a little.  
  
Tiner winced a little, "You can't just. try it out for six months?"  
  
Jodi lifted her brows, "With children? No."  
  
Jason Tiner sighed at the air in front of him. His mouth pressed a little and his chin lifted. He reached for his glass and slurped down the last of his orange juice. When he put it down again, the man's eyes suddenly looked his age.  
  
Meredith easily diverted the topic by clearing the table. Mac and Harm got up and started making noises to leave. Jodi thanked Meredith and the Admiral for their hospitality. Tiner eventually did also, looking a little unnerved by the entire morning, but Jodi urged them to get moving because there was so much of The Mall she wanted to see.  
  
She counted them on her fingers as she moved out the door. "The Washington Memorial, the Jefferson Memorial. I've seen the Wall but I wanna see it again. Oh! Can we go to the Smithsonian? And how far is Boston.?"  
  
Tiner's brow creased and grinned at the same time as he followed her out. It was like the man just now realized what relationships like this were all about. She hooked her arm in his elbow and bumped into them as they trudged to his big pickup truck, and Tiner was chuckling again by the time they climbed inside.  
  
Mac turned away from the window and nodded at the Admiral's quiet thank you. Harm muttered an offer to check up on the case in his off-time if it would help, but the Admiral turned him down for now and then loudly ordered them to, "leave before I notice you came in the same car!"  
  
Harm and Mac winced and lit out of there like their tails were on fire.  
  
Five minutes later, Mac finally spoke, "That wasn't a neutral environment."  
  
Harm smiled a little, sighed at the red light, and propped his elbow on the windowsill to rub his forehead.  
  
"Just take me home," she said to her lap.  
  
Harm rubbed his lips hard.  
  
"I'm not ending this," she assured. "I just need some time to think." She lifted her chin at him certain that this wasn't too much to ask.  
  
Harm didn't glance back at her. He barely nodded and put both hands on the wheel when the light turned green again. He took her to her apartment without a word, let her get out of her car by herself and made no motions to come up.  
  
Mac paused to say, 'See you tomorrow' or 'Have a good day', but he stared out his windshield looking like he didn't want to hear any of it. So, Mac just closed the door and listened to him drive away before she even made it into her building.  
  
Harm knew exactly what needed to happen and he approached it with all the well-oiled, cold control he'd grown comfortable with. His face was prone as he worked alone through his errands the rest of that day, and he made up a few more just to kill the rest of the afternoon. He didn't call her that night, or the next day, but his eyes looked up from his book, or the dishes, or the stereo. just to glance at the silent telephone. It was fairly easy to will himself not to call her first, but he wondered, more than once, when she was going to make it ring for him.  
  
*Don't do this to me again.*  
  
This was the same treatment he'd gotten in California. She initiated it and then she pushed him away the next day. She was giving him the silent treatment for something that she had started. Harm worked hard not to be angry with her for it. He knew it was probably a defense mechanism she had to keep from getting too close. but Christ was it insulting..  
  
No wonder Mic left her. 


	4. Part 4

**Enlisted Club. NTC Orlando, FL. October 3, 1989**  
  
The Chief kept telling the admin crew not to date the students, but it didn't actually bother him when they did. It was a matter of wisdom, not regulation. But Tiner was too young and playful to heed the warning.  
  
Jason was on a mission to kiss her that night.  
  
Young was a nice girl. She wasn't loud or bouncy. She wasn't cruising the crackerjacks for a husband, and she spent most of her time studying because the subject wasn't exactly down her alley. They palled around together off duty every day and every weekend, more often with a gang than not. He'd taken her off base to the movies once and then for pizza once with a crowd, but since she was still in uniform 24/7 he couldn't lay a finger on her.  
  
Today was the day she got her civvies chit. He knew this because the request had to come across his desk and he made damned sure that it was the first thing the Chief signed this afternoon.  
  
Jodi had shoved a completed muster list of eighty in his hand, smiled, and asked him if he was going to go to the club with everybody tonight. Just as he opened his mouth to ask her out alone, on a 'date', Chief Dicks strolled into the room and stepped up beside him to look at them muster lists.  
  
Tiner pulled out the muster list for him, and nodded at her. "I'll see you there."  
  
The Enlisted Clubs in all A-schools were always hopping places. Nobody ranked enough to be able to afford a car by paycheck alone, and *everybody* lived in the barracks. It was like college with a campus bar, but since nobody here went to college, nobody figured that out. Officers were already rarely seen on this base, but the nice thing about Enlisted Clubs was that you were certain to *never* see them. Even the Chiefs had their own places to hang out. The E-Club was the only place the seamen and petty officers could be themselves.  
  
Tiner arrived long before Jodi did, and he found himself watching the door while he talked with the quickly forming gang from Barracks 173. He found out that Jodi and two others from her company had ran off for the NEX as soon as they'd received their civvies chits. Pearson had lost so much weight in boot camp that her old jeans no longer fit. Butters emerged with punk chains and a shredded, offensively labeled T-shirt, was ordered right back inside, get back in uniform and go buy some real civvies. Young, the gang reported, simply had no civvies to wear.  
  
He was standing at the table with a plastic glass of beer in his hand and two other tall sailors at each shoulder. He was a standard squid in civvies: comfortably fit levis, tawny suede hiking boots, and a crisply- pressed, peach-colored, short sleeved shirt hanging open over a white t- shirt underneath. Still in Florida, and still in the eighties, the Miami Vice theme still run amuck in the Orlando E-club.  
  
The gang continued to joke loudly, but he was hung in a holding pattern for the real evening to start up. Maybe he could get her to take a walk next to the Nuke's Pond. maybe he could ask her out on a real date for next weekend and he could kiss her then. He threw in a comment at the table just so they'd think he was paying attention, but his eyes flick to the door again.  
  
Butters growled out as she marched into the club. "You people are a bunch of fuckin' preppies!" She flicked at the US NAVY T-shirt and yelled at their little gathering. "Where in the UCMJ does it say that I have to dress like a dork while I'm in civvies?!" Pearson was behind her, smiling as she approached, and Jodi was at Pearson's flank.  
  
He'd always wondered what she was going to look like in civvies. Her jeans fit better than dungarees did. The brand new t-shirt was slightly oversized and tucked in. The front was an old 40's propaganda poster. 'Gee! I wish I were a Man, I'd join the Navy.' She was wearing just a tiny bit of make up on her eyes, but Tiner could only tell that because he'd been staring in her eyes without any make up for two months already.  
  
He smiled as she stepped up, and she marched directly to him, glittering eyes locked on him and everything. He suspected a friendly hug was coming and put out his hand and the plastic cup of beer to invite her to do so, but Jodi weaved between the other standing sailors to get to him, took his face with both hands, and pulled him down so she could lay one on him.  
  
Tiner deliberately dropped his beer, paying no mind that it landed on his buddy's shoe and splashed all directions, and pulled her in by the hips so he could really make use of this moment.  
  
The table was already loud, but they got louder now. The buddy jumped as the beer splashed and someone yelled at Tin Man about the Party Foul, but most of them were making noise about the instant kiss out of nowhere. "FRAT!"  
  
She'd only intended a quick kiss, but Tiner didn't let her stop. His mouth went tender and tasted her some more. He peaked his eyes open just enough so they could silently smile his approval about it and she paused to shine her eyes back at him before ducking in to kiss him again. The next thing they knew, they were pressed lightly from knees to chests and kissing slow, sincere, and sexy like they'd just arrived on their honeymoon.  
  
"FRAT!" They blatted at them because he was barracks admin and she was a student. "Frat!" Tiner didn't bother to open his eyes to flip them off. They laughed and someone threw a wadded napkin at the back of her head. Jason caught it in the air without interrupting himself, threw it down, and gently held her face so he could just stand there and keep on kissing her.  
  
"Frat..!"  
  
YN1 Tiner wasn't seeing anything the computer screen. He could still hear the live band playing in the background, Butter's loud profanity, Pearson's soft southern drawl, and Sikes' easy laughter, but the noise echoed in the back of his head like the fading ghost of childhood.  
  
He still felt that young most of the time, even though he wasn't nearly as rowdy these days, and he realized why he liked being around her after all these years. Working with officers all the time had slowly beaten him into a permanent little kid. but as Jodi was coming slowly back into his life, the original cock-eyed-cover, booter-teasing, Jason 'Tin Man' Tiner was starting to emerge too.  
  
"TINER! Wake up!" SLAP! A female hand pounded flat on the top of his monitor, and Tiner looked up to find an frustrated Lieutenant behind it. "Where are those files on the Dreadfield case?"  
  
Tiner sighed and stood. "The Readfield case, ma'am?"  
  
"Whatever!" Simms spat. "Just get them."  
  
Tiner didn't stutter or jump. He simply nodded patiently, "Yes, ma'am," and moved to where the file was waiting. He met her eyes when he handed them to her over his computer. "Anything else, ma'am?"  
  
Simms started looking scrambling through the Readfield files right in front of his desk and Tiner picked up a pen and tapped it on the desktop so he could figure out what he was doing before his mind wandered off.  
  
Commander Rabb stomped up in much the same mood as Simms and already had his hand reaching for The Mahogany Door before he got his request out. "Is the Admiral in his office?"  
  
Tiner looked at him from under his brows. "The Admiral asked not to be disturbed, sir."  
  
Rabb paused only to turn to Tiner and make this decision for himself, "Who is he with?"  
  
Tiner tapped the end of his ball point on the table again and repeated it, "The Admiral asked not to be disturbed."  
  
Rabb glared caustically at Tiner and put a hand on the Petty Officer's desk, speaking slow and clear. "That is not what I asked you."  
  
Tiner flipped his pen over to point at the little red light on Line One. "He's on the phone, sir."  
  
"With whom?"  
  
Tiner lifted his face and almost smiled about it. "I don't know, sir."  
  
Rabb visibly fretted with this for a minute and Simms took her files and stepped away from the scene before Rabb did what he most certainly was going to do.  
  
Tiner folded his hands on his desk and watched with a patient mouth.  
  
Commander Rabb stepped to the door, paused a moment, and burst into the room. He marched right up to the desk and came to attention.  
  
Tiner climbed easily out of his chair and went to the door to close it. He could have put twenty dollars down on this outcome.  
  
The Admiral calmly put the SecNav on hold, yelled, "Get out of my office!" before Rabb opened his mouth to breath, and Tiner easily pulled the door closed as Rabb came marching out again.  
  
"Tell me when he gets of the phone," Rabb said and hustled unhappily away.  
  
"Yes, sir." Tiner knew he was going to catch hell for that even though it wasn't his fault, and sighed it away. Do they expect him to tackle people before they opened the door? Tiner slowly sat back down at his desk, picked up his pen and muttered to himself, "God, I miss working A-school."  
  
The Admiral emerged a few minutes later and crossed his arms at Tiner.  
  
Tiner looked up from his paperwork, sighed, and stood up from his chair to come to attention a little slower than usual.  
  
"I thought I told you that I didn't want to be disturbed."  
  
Tiner looked at nothing in front of his attention and didn't stutter this time, "I expressed that twice to the Commander, sir."  
  
Admiral Chegwidden sighed heavily and closed his eyes.  
  
"If the Admiral pleases, I can requisition a gun to guard his door with."  
  
AJ's eyes flicked over.  
  
Tiner's eyes smiled a little. He let out just enough of a shrug to be visible without moving out of attention.  
  
The Admiral smiled, shook his head, and moved back into his office. "I want Colonel Mackenzie and Commander Rabb, individually, in that order."  
  
"Yes, sir," Tiner stepped around his desk.  
  
It was nearly lunch, and Jodi came in with a visitor's badge attached to her old, naked, pea coat as Tiner went to fetch the Colonel and the Commander. He motioned to her and she responded by moving to his little corner of the world and sat down to wait in the chair by his desk.  
  
Mac gave Harm a look as they emerged and marched across the office with Tiner behind them. Harm knew exactly why he was being summonsed, and had a bone to pick with the Admiral about the case already. Mac did not know why she was being summonsed and it worried her that they were being asked for simultaneously.  
  
Jodi lifted her brows at the group as they approached. Rabb looked like he was about to spontaneously combust if he didn't get into that office and Mac did her best to ignore him. She gave Jodi a forced grin of hello.  
  
Jodi somehow managed *not* to sing through her teeth, 'Somebody's in trouble.'  
  
Tiner opened the door for the Colonel. She thanked him quietly and marched in, reporting as ordered, and Rabb tried to go in too, but Tiner closed the door in Rabb's face. "One at a time was his order, sir."  
  
Rabb looked at the ceiling and huffed, and Tiner stepped behind him, took the car keys out of the air where Jodi offered them, and sat down at his desk. He only needed to mouth the "ssshh" to keep her quiet, but her expression rippled that she really wanted to make some noise.  
  
"At ease, Colonel." The Admiral started, "I have a strange personal request that I need to handle very delicately."  
  
Her brows rippled with confusion. "Of course, sir."  
  
He crossed his arms and looked up at the ceiling to form his words. "Ms Cavanaugh raved about the earrings you received for Christmas. And I was wondering if you could find out who the jeweler was."  
  
Mac licked her lips until they smiled nervously, "Of course, sir. But why can't you ask him yourself?"  
  
He tightened his arms pointed out heavily, "*I don't know who he is.*"  
  
Suddenly, she understood. She snapped back at attention, just for good measure, and nodded, "Yes, sir. I'll see what I can do, sir."  
  
"Thank you. Dismissed." he said and paused before stepping out with her.  
  
She hoped this session's topic had nothing to do with the next session's topic. She stepped out and closed her eyes in front of Tiner's desk for a moment.  
  
Commander stopped trying to guess what happened by the look on Mac's face when the Admiral emerged from his own office.  
  
Jodi bit her lips closed and tried to be invisible in the chair. Tiner came to attention next to his desk, the Commander inhaled to speak to him, and Mac stepped away as nonchalantly as she could.  
  
"RABB!" His voice was angry, "The next time you ignore my assistant when I don't want to be disturbed, I'm going to let him requisition a gun so he can *shoot* your ass!"  
  
The Commander snapped to attention. "Yes, sir!"  
  
"*Get* in my office!" The Admiral snapped at him, glanced once at Jodi and yelled at Tiner too. "Tiner! Go to lunch!"  
  
"Yes, sir," Tiner said, then collapsed from his attention and grabbed his pea coat.  
  
The Admiral slammed his own door closed behind him.  
  
Jodi's voice came out like a movie trailer narrator. "The Tin Man strikes again."  
  
"Ssshh!" He giggled and got her out of there before she got him into trouble.  
  
**Barracks 173 Quad. NTC Orlando. November, 1989. **  
  
When Tiner made it back to the Quad after knock-off, seven members of Class 350 were sitting around a picnic table in rank-less dungarees or Wal-Mart civvies, but they each had their own black uniform in strange wads in front of them. With varying postures and experience, each were ripping out the patch of two red slashes and trying to sew on a patch with three. Tiner ordered Sikes to move, who managed it with a grumble, and straddled the bench facing Jodi and her sewing.  
  
"Did ya'll hear about Evans?" Pearson smiled with her southern drawl. The topic had bounced from one sliver of gossip to another for the last half hour, so no one really looked up. "She sent up another request chit for sub duty."  
  
Sikes sat down at a new section of the bench and groaned down at his sewing. "How far did it get this time before they laughed her out of the Navy?"  
  
Pearson wrinkled her nose over the table at him, "This time she put Vic Evans instead of Victoria. It got all the way to medical before they tossed it out. She showed up for her exam and the Doc was already asking questions by the time he figured out she was a girl!"  
  
"One of these days, man," Butters whined loud and bouncy. "They're gonna put a gun in our hands and learn what PMS is *all* about."  
  
"That'll be the day," muttered Sikes.  
  
"Not too long," Tiner argued softly, "They're letting women on the Lexington now."  
  
"The Lady Lex?!" Butters blatted, "It's a training carrier! She doesn't go out for more than two weeks at a time!"  
  
Young shrugged, "It's a step in the right direction. At least we're getting sea duty."  
  
Sikes huffed a grin. "Yeah, the Love Boat. Tenders rank the highest in Frat busts."  
  
Butters dropped her sewing and leaned into the man's face. "Well if you would let us on ships with GUNS on them we wouldn't HAVE that problem now WOULD WE!"  
  
Sikes curled his lip at her, "Tenders have guns."  
  
Pearson backed Butters up, "Oh please. I could do more damage with my brother's bee bee gun."  
  
Tiner set an elbow on the picnic table. "All those things are for is to protect the ship from being arrested by the Coast Guard."  
  
Suddenly, several people laughed in unison, held up pinched fingers in the air to echo a recent cartoon -- An itty bitty coast guard boat was arresting a big fat battleship-  
  
"A joint! *Seize* this vessel!"  
  
Young dropped her fingers and giggled until she bumped lovingly into Tiner and Tiner just glowed at her.  
  
Butters leaned over to Sikes again, almost laying down on the table to reach him and pulled the sleeve of his cracker jack that he was sewing. "Oh, yeah, I get it." She ripped the thing from his hand and folded it down from the collar. "You want us to trust you with the big guns when you can't even manage a little needle." She showed it off to everybody that the man was sewing his sleeve completely closed.  
  
As soon as everyone was chuckling at Sikes, Butter's threw it back in his face. "Does this mean we get to chop your arm off so you'll fit into the uniform?"  
  
Tiner ducked in to kiss Jodi behind the ear.  
  
"Awe, come on!" Butters blatted, but was grinning when she did, "No PDA in the Quad."  
  
"That's not illegal," Pearson said.  
  
"But it's *rude*!" Butters chuckled, "D'you know how long it's been since I got laid?!"  
  
"Do I care?" Sikes pointed out.  
  
Tiner whispered a twinkling suggestion behind Jodi's ear.  
  
Jodi glanced back for a moment just to watch his eyebrows flick, and she started climbing off the bench. She tossed her blues jacket to the woman in front of her. "Hey Butters, take this back to my bunk for me."  
  
Butters dropped her sewing and groaned up at the sky.  
  
The gang started teasing and grumbling, but Jason and Jodi didn't stay to listen to it. Tiner pulled her by the hand and the two walked across the street to the five-acre pond. There was a bit of a beach and a few picnic tables around a barbeque and bathroom. The shore looked as if it was the place for students to hang out in the summer time. sometime back in the sixties. No one was here now. It was November, for one thing, and the ponds had too many things living in them these days.  
  
They talked for hours that night. She told him tales of her father and uncles and he told her tales of his older brother and sister. She had stories of gang fights between Navy brats and the rich civilian kids and he told her about playing chicken on tractors. She grew up on Navy bases, he grew up in cornfields, but somehow, they seemed to just click.  
  
When the sun started setting, neither wanted to go back to their separate barracks. The chill in the air made her curl into a ball, so he sat back on the brick wall that rimmed the barbeque and let her cuddle her back up into his chest. He wrapped her arms around her, keeping her warm and set his chin on her shoulder so they could talk and chuckle some more.  
  
Long after the sun was gone, the conversation about old lives and distant family came to a lull. Jodi stared out across the water at the lights on the other side and Jason brushed the tip of his nose behind her right ear with a wishful sigh.  
  
She turned her face to him a little, but couldn't croon enough to actually see him, "Why haven't you told me you love me yet?"  
  
His head jerked back in surprise. He dumped his head against the wall. "Because I can't."  
  
She shifted so she could look back at him.  
  
He shrugged a little.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
He angled his head and grinned a little, "This is A school, Jodi. In a few months, you're going to be off to your first duty station. I'll still be here." He shrugged again, letting the disappointment fill his eyes. "There's nothing we can do about that."  
  
"I understand that." She looked at the ground beside them and tried to breath away the sting before it filled up her eyes. "That's doesn't. tell me. why.."  
  
He sat forward and tucked into the side of her face. "Listen to me," he whispered. "You know I'm not just hanging around to get in your pants. If I were, I would have been gone by now." He watched her eyes squeeze shut. "But the truth is, when your orders get cut, it's gonna hurt like hell. And the less we pretend that this is going to last forever, the better off we'll be."  
  
"I'm not trying to pretend anything.. But Jason, you're asking me to pretend I'm not falling for you."  
  
His forehead dropped into her temple. His mouth opened to breath and his eyes closed with a sudden emotional orgasm. He tried to smile sadly with his whisper, "It's already gonna hurt so bad when you leave."  
  
"Yes, but I don't see how not saying it is going to make leaving any easier."  
  
His whisper went so quiet that she could barely hear him. "You don't need me to say it."  
  
Her eyes moved sadly over.  
  
Jason lifted his face again, trying to just get away telling her with his eyes, but as soon as he saw hers, his plan fell apart. She opened her mouth to say it to him, and he desperately leaned in to kiss her before she did. She turned on her knees and kissed him back, but it only made the problem worse.  
  
She cuddled up sideways to his chest, curled her legs up between his and talked softly into his chin. She watched the side of his down trodden face as she talked. "So, don't say it then, whether you feel it or not. But don't make love to me until you do."  
  
His brows flicked a little with confusion. He ducked his chin down to look at her, "Do what?" He grinned a little, "Say it, or feel it?"  
  
"Feel it," she chuckled at the miscommunication. "You can't make love to me until you feel the same way I do."  
  
His face blossomed at this. He bit his lower lip in faux deep thought and lowered his chin, "Hm. Okay. But, how am I supposed to know if I do?"  
  
She smiled all her teeth at him and muttered huskily. "Ah, its one of those sweet little ironies of life. Kinda stuck in a catch .22, aren't we?"  
  
He chuckled at her evil trick and tried to throw her bluff back at her, "Yes, but you're making the assumption that I want to make love to you."  
  
She tucked in at his neck again and let her lips brush on his neck with a smile, "How presumptuous of me." She gave him a long wet kiss on his neck.  
  
The lower half of his body stiffened when his toes curled, but the upper half of his body remained absolutely still so she could go on and take his neck as long as she wanted to. The goose bumps were still rolling over his skin when she pulled her mouth away. She didn't wait for him to recover. She whispered into his earlobe. "I love you, Jason."  
  
Jason was suddenly breathing in slow, deep heaves. His mouth blindly hunted hers down and kissed her again with sweet soft moves. She brushed her lips against his and squeezed her eyes shut to rest against his face. *Why can't you tell me?*  
  
*Why did having to leave months from now have to spoil tonight?*  
  
His heart was so wound up by then that every inch of his body wanted to lay her down and make love to her right then and there. He took a firm grip of her knee as if he was about to pull her to straddle him, but he didn't. He curled over to tuck his face under her hair and kiss her neck, but he didn't.  
  
He paused for a long breathless moment, until it exploded with his voice. "I love you." His eyes widened with surprise that he'd said it, and he swallowed hard. She tucked back to look at him. He lifted his eyes just enough to nod. "I do. I hate it. but I do." He fell in to kiss her and she wrapped her arms around his neck.  
  
Jason slowly laid her down in the sand and made love to her on the lakeshore until sunrise. 


	5. Part 5

**Viet Nam Memorial. Washington D.C. Christmas Eve 2002**  
  
The sun had set at 6 pm, making it feel like midnight by seven, and the snow fluttered down in tiny flakes from time to time. Harm stopped thinking about work and cases and Mac long enough so he could go to the Wall, as always. And, as always, he stepped quietly in like some kind of melodramatic spy so no one would talk to him. He stood on both feet back behind the sidewalk that was filled with foot traffic and squared his shoulders at his father's name on the Viet Nam Memorial.  
  
At first, he thought about the things he always did. He imagined his father's emotions when he ejected. He imagined what the following ten years must have been like as a POW, as a man on the run. He remembered his mother's expression when she received the telegram. He imagined what it must feel like when you've lost the love of your life..  
  
Then Mac flooded his mind again. Harm had always imagined marrying someday and having children someday. but it was always 'someday', way out in the far-reaching future. He wondered when the future was going to get here. He wasn't rushing it, he just wondered. *How old will I be when..*  
  
*My god, I'm almost forty.*  
  
He smirked a little. By the time he was ready to have children, the equipment probably wouldn't work anymore.  
  
*Naw, not me. I'm a pilot. Like my dad. Hammer Junior. The equipment *always* works.*  
  
A voice rose out of the hushed hubbub only because he recognized it. At the far, east end of the wall where the giant Dictionary-sized directories sat, Tiner and Jodi were huddled together and looking up names.  
  
Harm let out a half grin and looked back at his dad. He wondered if Tiner and Jodi could figure out a way to make it work. They both had a valid argument. Tiner didn't want to make any promises before giving a permanent relationship a fair shake. Jodi didn't want to uproot her children to move in with a trial-dad. And Tiner was so unprepared to be a father. That was going to be a tough one to solve.  
  
He stepped back a few more paces to get further out of the way and almost into the shadow of the trees. He didn't want to bother them, and, truthfully, he didn't want to be bothered by them either. There were enough people here, and with the thick coat over his uniform, it was quiet possible they would go about their business without noticing him at all.  
  
Tiner held a piece of paper on which they referred to and Jodi was armed with tissue paper and rubbing crayon. She stopped a few panels in, searched for a name, and started rubbing.  
  
Harm realized he was watching them out of the corner of his eyes. They both approached the wall like they were simply getting down to business and not effected by it at all. It insulted him a little. Even if she was doing a rubbing, at least she could pause in awe about the size of the memorial first.  
  
She pulled back the paper and strolled with Tiner down the wall some more. They mumbled a bit, Tiner asking questions and Jodi explaining. Now that he could see their faces, Harm realized that the awe was already there. Jodi had seen the wall before today, and she was being respectfully quiet, she simply had no one on it to mourn.  
  
She stepped up at another panel and looked back at the paper with Tiner. She started rubbing another name, near the ground.  
  
Harm angled his head. If she had no one on it, who's names was she rubbing?  
  
When she stood again, Harm decided he'd ask Tiner next time he saw the man at work. His curiosity wasn't enough to come out of the shadows tonight. They were nearly in front of him now and stopped to look up a fourth name. Harm was thankful that he would pull off not being noticed by them at all.  
  
"Here we go," she said and started searching the panel for a name. She stood right in Harm's way, so he sighed and just waited for them to leave so he could get back to his deep, unproductive thinking.  
  
"Y'know, Commander Rabb's father was on the Tico, too." Tiner pointed out as he looked at the piece of paper again to hunt out the name she was looking for.  
  
"Yeah, I guessed that," she said. "I didn't wanna say anything." She pulled up the tissue paper and put it on the wall. She started rubbing.  
  
Tiner's brows lifted with a silent, *Holy shit.*  
  
Harm found himself leaning way to the side to see what name she was rubbing. His black brows were knitted together to try to see over her shoulder, albeit thirty feet away. He still couldn't see the name, but he could see that it was right in her line of sight, right where his father's name was.  
  
"You're right," Tiner said over her shoulder. "Probably best we don't say anything."  
  
Harm's foot took a long, dramatic step in their direction.  
  
Jodi shrugged as she rubbed. "It was a long time ago.. Besides, if there's *anything* I've learned about Viet Nam, it's, " she turned to lift her brow at Tiner, "don't bring it up first."  
  
Tiner nodded with agreement, but when Jodi turned to look at him, a towering Commander was standing behind him.  
  
Her eyes widened. Tiner turned around and gasped. Jodi slid the tissue nonchalantly into her pea-coat pocket and faked a smile at the scowling Commander. "Hey. Fancy seeing you here."  
  
Harm face was one of a boss catching his employees playing computer games at work. He flicked his chin at Jodi. "Let me see the rubbings."  
  
Jodi flattened her lips together until her lips curled outward and reluctantly handed over the evidence.  
  
Harm took it with his gloved hands and read the names, one underneath the other, crooked and, in places, wrinkled. He'd never heard of the first three, but the fourth name was too familiar.  
  
Harm looked at her from under his brows.  
  
Jodi shrugged, "I didn't know the names until he gave me the list last week."  
  
Harm lifted his chin. "Who?"  
  
"My father," she admitted. She turned away from the panel and stepped away so another woman could get in there. "He was flight crew on the Ticonderoga." She motioned for Tiner to give him the list. "These are some of the pilots he pre-flighted."  
  
Harm met Tiner's eyes when he took the list. The Commander's mouth parted as he took it and looked at it with the tissue. Sure enough, his dad's name was smack dab in the middle, written in the chicken-scratch from a 60-year- old veteran.  
  
"He didn't know them that well." Jodi hooked her arm in Tiner's and leaned against him a little. "I gather that it's just a survivor guilt since he was the last to check the planes before they went out." She winced with a true plea. "Please don't bring it up with him."  
  
Harm's mouth opened a little more. Senior Chief Steve Young did pre-flight for his dad? Harm looked up at her again, and his expression was obvious. Steve Young had probably wondered for years if he'd made a mistake in pre- flight to cause the plane to go down before it's time, and now Harm couldn't help but wonder too.  
  
Would it help to have someone to blame?  
  
Jodi winced painfully at the expression and tried to shake her head. "I'm sorry, sir. I really am."  
  
Harm blinked and tried to wave it off. He gave her back the tissue and list and sighed stiffly at the ground. "It was thirty years ago." He forced himself to smile at them.  
  
"Thirty three," she corrected with an uncomfortable grin. "But who's counting."  
  
Harm grinned again. It was a little more genuine this time.  
  
She took the tissue and the rubbing. She glanced cautiously at Harm and motioned to the name on the wall. "Do you mind?"  
  
Harm inhaled hard and took a step back. "No." He waved her to continue and get a decent rubbing out of it. "Go ahead."  
  
She turned back to the wall and tried to line the tissue up again. When the soft brown crayon started scraping across it, his father's name seemed to appear like a ghost in the night. Harm backed a few more paces, and decided it was time to leave anyway.  
  
Tiner's eyes were honorable and sympathetic, and he realized that the man was leaving. "Merry Christmas, Commander."  
  
Harm waved with a simple palm, "Merry Christmas." He about-faced in the middle of his march and didn't realize how fast he was hurrying himself out of there until he sat down on the frozen steps of the Lincoln Memorial.  
  
Harm propped his elbows on his knees and pressed his mouth to his gloves as he stared over the solid ice of the reflecting pond. He tried to imagine what Jodi's father would have looked like as a young squid: dungaree sleeves rolled to the elbows, snoopy bowl cocked sideways with curled sides, radioman-style, the blisters and cuts on his greasy hands as he tried to prep and ready those fighter jets as fast and as accurately as possible. It was hard to imagine that the crusty old, pot-bellied grampa was once a young and hard, low-ranking sailor.  
  
Harm stared out at the white needle of the Washington memorial and absentmindedly rubbed his lower lip with the cold leather of his glove.  
  
Thirty-three years, but whose counting?  
  
I'm a pilot. Like my dad.  
  
How old will I be..  
  
Harm pushed himself to a stand and tucked his white hat deeper over his eyes. He marched at first, then crooked his elbows and trotted back to his car.  
  
Mac's place was only a few minutes away.  
  
**Barracks 173 Parking Lot. NTC Orlando, FL. June 1990**  
  
Jodi's muster list was three pages long when she handed it to him that morning. At three abreast, her company ran the length of the parking lot. She sucked in a nervous smile and wished she could kiss him before they marched off to chow.  
  
Tiner's feet were squared. He dropped his locked elbows in front of him with the papers and let his eyes glow at her. "Good luck on your exam."  
  
"Thank you," she breathed, and then she looked at the red and white crow patch on his working blues.  
  
He grinned and turned his right shoulder to hers. He roughly rubbed his crow on her arm, "Luck, luck luck." and then, just to keep it from looking like PDA, he stepped over to the others in her class to do the same thing.  
  
"Thank you, Tin Man," Pearson said and patted her naked blue sleeve.  
  
He waved at Jodi as she fell in several paces to the left of the long column, and offered to rub some luck on the men in the same class. Sikes' obliged, but the others spat laughter to, "*get* the hell away from me!"  
  
PN1 Apples came out finally and sounded tired when she ordered them to attention. Tiner stepped back away with his muster lists, but drug his feet before going into the building.  
  
The voice echoed in pre-dawn and the sudden silence of chatter. "Fa Ward, MARCH!"  
  
Chief found him just as he was sitting down to put the muster lists together. "How's the weather Washington D.C. this time of year?"  
  
"Don't ask me," Tiner shrugged. "I've never been there."  
  
The Chief tossed a paper to land in front of Tiner's nose. It was a message about needing a new yeoman to assist some commander at JAG headquarters. "Shall I write up a letter of rec for you?"  
  
Tiner picked up the paper and read it before glancing up.  
  
The Chief shrugged, "Hey, if you can keep track of a thousand snot-nosed booters, you sure as hell can manage a couple of lawyers."  
  
Tiner grinned a little, "I kind of like it here, Chief."  
  
Chief shrugged. "You're time's almost up. Orders are going to get cut whether you like it here or not." He pointed at the paper passed his mug, "You'd be smart to keep your career in mind," he pointed at the TTY on the side of the room, "no matter where she ends up."  
  
Tiner started to shake his head and glanced over at the TTY that would punch out the orders of this week's graduating class out when the time came. There was a very long ribbon of paper hanging out like a tongue.  
  
Tiner burst out of his chair and slid over the TTY. He knew they weren't going to let her on the USS Enterprise because she was a woman, but she insisted she put it down on her dream sheet anyway. He feared that the west coast request would detriment her second choice, which was to work here on base somewhere. But then, there weren't many billets for shipboard electronics repair geeks on a Naval Training Center.  
  
The Chief stepped up behind and sipped his coffee as Tiner untangled the paper and checked the names before ripping off the perforated paper. Butters, rip, Mach, rip, Pearson, rip, Sikes, rip, Young. rip. Tiner read intently.  
  
Chief looked over his shoulder. "Gompers. That's a tender out of Alameda. West coast orders." He slapped Tiner's shoulder before stepping away. "I'll get to that letter of rec now."  
  
Tiner felt his heart slowly crush. His mouth flattened for a moment of pure disappointment, but he continued to pull orders off the TTY and stack them up in his hand.  
  
The Chief stepped away and let Tiner wallow in his A-School Blues by himself. How many times had he warned these kids not to date the students?  
  
"Chief!" Hansen yelled, still skidding in the hallway and panting "You'd better come look at the news!"  
  
Concerned, Tiner followed the Chief and Hansen back to the big TV room where the 35" faded color was set to, unusually, the news.  
  
". and has confirmed that President Saddam Hussein and his Iraqi forces have taken control and plan to stay in Kuwait.."  
  
The barracks admin watched in silence for several minutes, soaking up everything they could. President Bush hadn't done a press release yet, but the vote in the TV room was unanimous about what the man was going to say.  
  
Tiner was silent as he listened to all this but as soon as his mind started to catch up, his eyes looked down as his hand brought up Jodi's sea duty orders to his sights.  
  
That night, inside room 312 of HoJo's high-rise, a set of YN3 Crackerjacks hung in the closet next to a set of ET3 female blues, but the ET3 Crow still had a post-it note smiley face still pinned to the sleeve.  
  
"What's JAG?" She asked. Her head was on his naked shoulder and her arm was wrapped around his waist.  
  
He stared up at the ceiling and fumbled absentmindedly with the hair behind her ear. "Navy Lawyers," he sighed heavily. "I'm probably not going to get it though."  
  
"Surrounded by officers all day long?"  
  
"Not at first. I'll be like the mailroom guy. but eventually." he mumbled and didn't finish that thought either. "Chief says it's a good career path."  
  
Her voice was distant. "I wonder if a Love Boat is a good career path."  
  
"Sea duty is always good. They can't knock love boats against you until they are willing to let you on something else."  
  
"You think we're gonna go to war with Iraq?"  
  
He pulled in a deep sigh through his nose. "Yeah."  
  
"Well," she swallowed softly and let her voice smile in melancholy, "we had a good time here."  
  
'A good time,' that was all it was supposed to be. And it was a common way to couple up these days. 'The girl at every port' had evolved to, 'I'll be yours as long as we're stationed together' but no promises evolved more than that. There were a few that got married, sure, and it was always gossip food when those budding young marriages managed to start annulment papers as soon as orders were cut.  
  
Jason and Jodi worked hard not to go there. They were as close as any long- term couple could get, but like the team they'd become, they both stayed away from talking about what would happen after.. Sure, they had a great time, but that didn't make it any easier.  
  
Her words were soft. "We're never gonna see each other again." Jason was already stiffening at the topic. "Are we?"  
  
Jason's brows slanted. He shuffled down on the bed and rolled to his side, propping his head up in his hand and looked into her eyes with sad acceptance. "Probably not."  
  
Her breath started to quiver. "How much time do we have left?"  
  
He sniffed and glanced at the hotel's alarm clock. "Six hours." Six hours until her plane took off meant two hours until they had to leave the hotel. She still had to pack her sea bag, check off of his muster lists, catch the bus to the airport, and check in and hour early for the plane. He closed his eyes at the reality, "Two hours."  
  
Tears welled up in her eyes. Her whole face rippled with heartache. Jason blinked hard and cuddled his face into hers, falling onto the pillow beside her. "Don't do that," he pleaded. "Don't waste our last two hours balling. Save that for when you're on the plane."  
  
She sniffed hard and breathed, grinning a little when she looked at him. His skin was red around his eyes, just as close to falling apart as she was.  
  
He wiped away a tear on her cheek with his thumb. "I love you," he said with strength in his voice. "It's real and it's full and it's. this is never going to go away. It's never going to completely go away, Jodi. This minute is always going to be here. Okay? No matter what happens or where we end up... This is real."  
  
She sniffed a big smile to echo Casablanca, "We'll always have Orlando?"  
  
He ducked a little and sniggered sadly. He took her head with his hand and brought their foreheads together. He tangled his legs further between hers and chuckled until a tear escaped.  
  
He wiped it away quickly, but settled in next to her again, looking into her eyes. The tension had broken, but they were still softly heartbroken about what was going to happen in one hour and fourty-three minutes.  
  
Those brown eyes looked at him as if he were the only man she would ever have. "I will always love you."  
  
He deliberately recorded her face into his permanent memory. He remembered the smell of the A/C and the feel of the sheets. He remembered the sound of her voice and the softness of her skin.  
  
But as the years passed, some of that memory faded until all that was left of the moment was her words and the sincerity of her eyes.  
  
Jason never forgot those eyes.  
  
They didn't make love after that. They talked a little, but spent most of those last hours staring at each other until they had to force themselves to get out of bed and get moving. They were both emotionless drones to get back to the barracks. She packed as he signed her out, and far too many people were congratulating her and the rest of Class 350 on the way to the parking lot.  
  
The ancient, gray-painted bus was already there. Jodi managed to collect her strength to stuff her sea bag into the storage compartment and stepped back to him to face him at a gentle parade rest. They were standing in the same parking stall they'd met in, but neither realized it until their deep reflections days later.  
  
They didn't say anything at first. They just stared into each other's eyes and wished they could hug or cry or kiss or go AWOL, but they were both in full uniform, and none of that stuff was legal in uniform.  
  
"All right!" hooted the marine driver, "Load 'em up!"  
  
The world felt like it was crashing to an end. She jumped for him the same moment he reached for her. He held her as tight as he could and kissed her with everything he had.  
  
"PDA!" someone shouted, snitching on them instantly. "Chief! PDA!" But the Chief and PN1 were already out there to tell the rest of the crew goodbye. They glanced at each other a moment before the Chief sighed and stepped not- to-quickly in Tiner and Young's direction to break it up.  
  
The two kids separated before the Chief got there anyway. Tearing eyes and shuddering jaws, she stepped backwards to the bus and mouthed the words one more time.  
  
Jason didn't look at the Chief that was now scowling over him. He mouthed the words back to her, and wide-eyed, watched her climb onto the bus.  
  
The Chief silently ordered Tiner to report to the Division Officer, and he walked away just as bus stared rolling. The DO was a Lt Commander and, though Tiner spoke with him briefly once or twice, he never had to report to him like this before.  
  
The DO was sick and tired of this happening nearly every Friday and took his rage out on the kid. Tiner was shaken up enough to stutter and fumble his apologies to the officer instead of face it boldly. And Chief Dicks jumped in to quietly defend the lad. The boy was just saying his goodbyes, Chief said, and claimed that it was Young that started it anyway.  
  
Tiner got lucky. The approval for his transfer to Washington D.C had already come in. The DO threw Tiner's orders at him until it hit him in the face.  
  
"You're outta here already," the DO said. "So I won't put you on report for the PDA." He got into Tiner's nose. "But don't try to pull that stunt at JAG, buddy, or your gonna end up wiping the ass of some garbage chief in Alaska."  
  
'Thanks for the advice, asshole,' was what the Tin Man thought, but Tiner was suddenly shaking and stuttering, and his voice was deathly quiet. "Yes, sir."  
  
Within a week, Tiner was packing his own sea bag. He was clenching his teeth and stifling his tears every time his eyes fell upon the orders, and even more so when he glanced at the letter addressed to her mother that had already bounced back to him.  
  
Not At This Address. Return To Sender.  
  
He took the hint like a man and didn't look for her any further than that.  
  
She was flown to the Gompers in the middle of a deployment, and she called Barracks 173 as soon as they pulled into Yokosuka, Japan and found a payphone. All the new yeoman knew was that Petty Officer Tiner had shipped out on new orders, but he didn't know where. Jodi got the telegram about her mother's suicide that same afternoon and was forced to lean into a new shipmate to ease her pain. Torn about her mother, reliving her brother and missing Jason, Petty Officer Second Class Roy Wallis was kind enough to let her cry on his shoulder.  
  
Jodi didn't know that he'd gotten his JAG assignment, and Jason didn't discover that the mail had been misdirected because of her mother's death, until they explained it to each other, over the phone, twelve years later. 


	6. Part 6

**Harm's Apartment. Washington D.C. Christmas Eve 2002**  
  
Harm tried to plan a speech as he drove, but then decided he didn't need a speech. If there was friction, he'd chock it up to just visiting as a friend. After all, he did have quite a shock just now.  
  
But Mac wasn't in her apartment. He could see her lights were off before he came to a complete stop in front of her building. He pulled out his phone and tried her land line just to see if she was hiding in there somewhere, but it was as he expected. The answering machine came on.  
  
Harm hung up and tossed his phone the passenger's seat. He sighed in acceptance that he'd missed his chance for today, and slapped his hand on the steering wheel to drive home.  
  
Suddenly his thoughts weren't on his father anymore. He wondered where she'd gone on Christmas Eve. If there wasn't a dinner thrown by somebody at the office, she was usually home. He couldn't imagine someone throwing a dinner and not mentioning it to him. Did she have a new boyfriend?  
  
No. Harm parked his car at his building and insisted that she did not. The two may have still been dancing around this thing, but they were sleeping together. Well, twice anyway.. And the first one didn't really count..  
  
"No," he insisted allowed this time, just so his mind wouldn't go there. "She wouldn't do that."  
  
He fought with all this as he stepped into his building and rode up the elevator. He wanted to talk to someone about his father..  
  
No, not just someone. He wanted to talk to Mac.  
  
He flipped out the keys to his apartment and admitted to himself that he wanted to talk to Mac. about *anything*. It didn't matter what the topic was anymore.  
  
Where the hell did she go on Christmas Eve?  
  
He put the key in the bolt lock as he gritted his teeth about it, and when he turned it, he realized it wasn't locked.  
  
His eyes narrowed. He pulled the key out and gingerly touched the doorknob. It wasn't locked either.  
  
Harm suddenly wished he'd brought a gun with him. He stuffed his keys into his pocket and stepped back behind the door jam. Careful not to make any more noise than he already had, he turned the knob and pushed it silently open.  
  
A female hand grabbed the door to open it the rest of the way and friendly brown eyes were teasing his caution. "I didn't want to interrupt your visit."  
  
Harm breathed, tucked a grin, and breathed again as he stepped into his apartment. "I went to your place just now," he admitted as he locked them in and started taking off his coat. "I was at a loss at where you'd gone off to."  
  
Mac shrugged a shoulder, "Keeper of the spare set, remember?"  
  
Harm nodded and hung his coat up. He forced his tone to stay light, "So, what catastrophe can I thank for this visit?"  
  
Mac turned and strolled back to the kitchen counter where she'd helped herself to make some hot chocolate. Her voice was warm, "You went to my place first. So what catastrophe can I thank for *your* visit?"  
  
Harm beamed so wide at that he practically bit his tongue between his teeth. It didn't matter why she was here. He was just glad she was here. "You first. Mine is long."  
  
Mac sat on the bar stool, held the seat between her knees and shrugged her shoulders. "I wanted to break the silence." She angled her head at him and raised a brow. "You've been avoiding me for four days."  
  
Harm stepped up to his bedroom but not without a wagging finger at her as he went. "I was giving you space," he insisted.  
  
"I didn't ask for space." Her voice called sing-song to reach over the frosted glass at him.  
  
Harm changed out of uniform as quickly as he could and smiled at the voice of the grizzly bear in his kitchen. "You asked for neutral territory and time to think." He jumped into a pair of jeans. "To me, that means 'space'."  
  
Mac looked up at the air to think on that. She nodded at her mug as she picked it up. "Fine."  
  
Harm buttoned up a turquoise and yellow Hawaiian shirt over his chest. "Does that mean you're done thinking?"  
  
"For now."  
  
He flicked his eyes to do a quick roll in the air, but chuckled silently at himself about it when he sat and stuffed on his tube socks and old sneakers.  
  
"It's your turn," she called. "Why did you come to see me?"  
  
He stepped out from his bedroom and strutted down to the kitchen. "Hang on, Mac. I suspect we're not finished talking about your reasons yet." He moved to the cupboard and fetched himself a mug.  
  
Mac swiveled to face him and shook her head. "No. That was it."  
  
Harm poured some cocoa from the saucepan to his cup but his eyes flicked to her twice during the maneuver. "No. It wasn't."  
  
She pressed her mouth in thought, and ducked so her eyes wouldn't admit it. "Maybe I just didn't want to spend Christmas Eve alone."  
  
Harm put the pan down and flicked a grin. "Good. Neither did I."  
  
She watched him gingerly take a taste of the cocoa and lift his brows with a quick compliment about it. He looked at her again, but she lifted her brows expectantly. It was his turn to answer questions.  
  
He loudly sucked the chocolate from his lower lip and stepped around the counter to sit in the other barstool. "I saw Jodi and Tiner at the Wall tonight."  
  
Mac blinked at this. "What were they doing at the wall on Christmas Eve?"  
  
"Getting rubbings," he said, putting his mug and one elbow on the counter to face her. "Turns out Senior Chief Young pre-flighted my father the night he went down."  
  
Mac blinked until her eyes nearly popped out of her head.  
  
Harm remembered his previous unrest over it. "Makes me wonder if he did his job right that day.. But I have no real reason to believe that he didn't." He dropped his eyes to the counter and tried to stare into thirty-three years ago.  
  
Mac turned her head to try to see his expression, but he lifted it quickly. His tone was beaten. He tried to grin at her. "I guess I just needed a friendly ear."  
  
*Red Rover Red Rover Send Sarah on over!*  
  
Mac lips parted when the chain of hands broke for her and she fell to a roll onto the untouchable grass beyond.  
  
Her eyes slowly glowed until it rolled out of her mouth too. "I love you."  
  
Harm blinked like she'd slapped him, and nearly chuckled when he recovered. Where did *that* come from? Happily surprised, he wasn't sure what else to say. "Thank you."  
  
Mac coughed disbelief at the ceiling.  
  
"I mean," he shrugged a shoulder, still clueless, "I love you too?"  
  
She chortled and debated whether or not to nail him in the nose for that.  
  
Harm rubbed his lips together, chuckled a little, and climbed off the barstool. He took both mugs. "Come here."  
  
Mac swiveled around in the stool to see where he'd gone. He was putting the mugs on the coffee table. "What are you doing," she asked accusingly.  
  
Harm winced at her tone. "I'm moving this to the living room. Is that a crime?"  
  
She put her hands out in the air. "Harm! It's all the same room!"  
  
Harm waved her off and put on some music. It was just supposed to be quiet background noise, not a deliberate mood-setter, so he just played whatever CD was already in there.  
  
"So tell me more about Senior Chief Young," she said easily as she sat down on the couch. She picked up her mug and turned sideways, hooking her right ankle under her left knee to face him. "It bugs you than you can put a face and a name to his preflight, doesn't it?"  
  
"Yeah, unfortunately it does." He sat down at the opposite end, leaned his back up against the armrest and plopped a foot on the couch. "Jodi was getting rubbings of a list of names her father had given her, I tried to stay out of the way, but then, she started rubbing my dad's name too.."  
  
Mac listened to his tale, sipping the cocoa on occasion, and propping her temple on her palm to watch him talk. He didn't look at her the whole time, but he never forgot whom he was talking to. His tone was casual for much of it, but his eyes expressed pain and anger and exasperation as he spoke. Mac put in a comment from time to time, asking the right questions, pointing out the right facts, and finishing sentences he couldn't find the words for.  
  
And though she was involved in the conversation and attentive to what he was saying, there was a solid thread of being honored in the back of her mind. He was really talking. She noticed the way he scratched his ear when he winced and the way his foot occasionally bumped her knee when he shifted. He found a paperclip on the coffee table, hung one elbow off his knee and spun the metal gently between his fingers. And finally, he sighed heavily and shrugged that he didn't know where to go with the conflict beyond that.  
  
Harm realized he'd been babbling for over an hour now and was just as shocked that he did it as he was that she was still sitting there listening to it. His eyes flicked up to see her, to see if he was boring her, or scaring her off, or whathaveyou.. But Mac waited with the patience of a saint, with her chin resting on the back of her fingers and her pinky curled up to fumbled with her bottom lip.  
  
Her eyes smiled innocently when he focused on her. He blushed a grin back. "Sorry."  
  
She shook her head easily, "Don't be."  
  
He looked around a little and found the empty mugs on the table. "Would you like some more cocoa?"  
  
She shook her head again. Her voice smiled more than her mouth did. "No."  
  
Harm's brows lifted to her before his sight managed to. The intent was clear in her eyes.  
  
He took in a long, cleansing breath and sat up. He set his leg down so he could do so and dropped his hands and eyes into his new lap. He wanted her to stay, he really did, but more so he wanted to be able to talk to her tomorrow too. He wasn't convinced he could have both. And he wasn't sure how, or *if*, he could turn her down.  
  
"Mac-"  
  
"Get your mind out of the gutter," she grinned.  
  
Blue eyes dashed up from under his brows.  
  
She sucked in air through her smile as she formed the words. "I'm just complimented."  
  
His expression sprung in three directions at once. "From what?"  
  
She waved a palm at him, "You just sat there and talked for hours." She angled her head when he didn't get it. "You don't do that."  
  
Harm closed his mouth as he considered this. His eyes glanced up again when he realized why she was complimented by it. Renee had complained so many times..  
  
Mac shifted over and tucked her face to his temple, kissed him on the cheek and closed her eyes.  
  
Harm closed his eyes and relaxed into it for a moment, but when she came to a rest, he pealed them open again to sneak a glance at her face. He could see her shoulder and her hair, her smooth cheek and the corner of her mouth. He turned a sliver more.  
  
She knew he was sneaking over to steal a kiss and her mouth opened to smile accordingly. "You want me to stay," she whispered like she was catching him red handed.  
  
He burst into a smile and the side of his eyes found hers. He was serious about it. "But I also want you to still be talking to me in the morning."  
  
Mac sat up just a little. She hadn't realized that was a common result. She licked her lips thoughtfully.  
  
Harm cocked his head aside with a light offer, "So stay. just don't do anything that scares you that badly."  
  
Her head bounced back a little at the profound suggestion. Stay without sex? She was more complimented now than she was before.  
  
Harm shrugged a shoulder. *Take it or leave it. I'll pretend it doesn't bother me.*  
  
She studied the downtrodden eyes. "Then, why do you want me here?"  
  
He shrugged a shoulder again and faced her, "I don't know." His eyes looked at a dozen parts of her face and hair before he muttered it honestly, "I just want you here."  
  
Mac inhaled at the fuzz in her chest the same time he sighed in near defeat. She leaned into him again, kissing his chin as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, and Harm looked like he'd died and gone to heaven when he pulled her in to nearly sit on his lap and held her close.  
  
The moment was pure peace, the closest he was ever going to get without moving to Tibet and studying Buddhism for seven years, and she shattered it when she climbed out of his arms after only a few seconds.  
  
Harm woke his mind up again and looked up, reluctantly accepting whatever it was she had gotten up to do. She pulled his hand to stand up after her, and he obliged slowly, then he realized what she was up to when she started pulling him across the room.  
  
Harm stood hard on his feet.  
  
She paused and looked back.  
  
He gave her a look of warning out of the corner of his eye.  
  
Mac smiled, nodded, and promised softly. "Tomorrow's Christmas," she pointed out. "We can talk all day long."  
  
Harm shuffled his feet forward, weaved his fingers into hers, and Mac kept two steps out of the rest of his reach until she finally made it behind that wall of frosted glass.  
  
**Navy Lodge. Falls Church, Virginia. December 25th, 2002**  
  
Jason could smell the cigarette smoke before he opened his eyes. The Navy Lodge was no smoking from stem to stern, but that little regulation didn't seem to sway her any. Jason had tolerated the first couple of days, they hadn't seen each other in twelve years after all, but the habit was already getting annoying.  
  
He turned his head to look over at where she sat. She was in a giant AC/DC t-shirt and little else, and she had a leg curled underneath her in the chair as she sipped her coffee and smoked her cigarette. He rubbed his eyes to wake up, and realized how old they were now. and they still needed to escape to a hotel to get any alone time.  
  
Jodi combed her sandy hair with her fingers and grinned sleepily. "Merry Christmas."  
  
Tiner lifted his brows at the realization, sighed, and ended up wrinkling his nose at the smell. He did a sit up to peal his back off the bed. "Merry Christmas," he mumbled. "Why aren't you on the phone with the boys?"  
  
She hissed out humor, "It's friggin' three o'clock in the morning over there, dude." Her voice softened to explain. "Dad's gonna call when they wake up."  
  
He had no idea what time it was in *this* time zone, much less that one. His eyebrows shrugged for him.  
  
"Coffee's hot," she offered quietly and dashed the ash from her cigarette.  
  
Jason whipped the blankets off of him and picked his jeans up off the floor. He turned his legs over the opposite side of the bed so that his back would be to her when he said it. "You promised you'd smoke outside."  
  
"It's thirty below out there," she whined righteously.  
  
He stuffed his feet into his jeans without troubling himself to hunt out the BVDs still hiding somewhere in the pile, and wrinkled his mouth at her answer.  
  
"That comment I made at the brunch still bugs you, huh?"  
  
He shook his head, but it wasn't convincing, and stood to button up his Levi's. "Nah, I'm just waking up." He moved to the kitchenette without looking at her and scratched the back of his head.  
  
She didn't believe him, but she shrugged it off and let him wake up in peace.  
  
Twelve years, Jason thought. How much could a person change in twelve years? He poured himself some coffee and stirred in some sugar as he wallowed in thought. The two and a half months they talked over the phone, through email and private chat rooms made him feel like she was the same girl, but this visit was making it clear that she wasn't.  
  
He tossed the spoon to rattle on the.  
  
Her eyes flicked over.  
  
His mouth was pressed to a fine line as he glared at the back wall. "Yeah, it does."  
  
She angled her head the other way and lifted her chin, "Why?"  
  
Jason's mouth rippled a little. "It's not fair." He picked up his coffee and strolled to the table. "You changed. A lot." He sat down in the other chair and narrowed his eyes at her. "You know how I feel about you," he flapped a hand, "but we're never going to get the chance if you're living in California. And *you know* it's dumb to jump in head first just to get you to move out here, especially seeing how much you *have* changed." He finally sat back in the chair, moping about it, and fumbled with his mug. "It's not fair."  
  
Jodi sighed wisely through her nose. "It's not just me I'm worried about, Jas."  
  
He pulled his mug to his mouth and sighed stiffly behind it. He'd heard that before.  
  
Her voice spoke lightly, "How did I change?"  
  
Jason looked over with a wince. Didn't she know?  
  
She shrugged. "I mean, the changes that bother you. What's so different now that its bothering you?"  
  
He thought on this a moment, took another sip, and slid his cup on the table so he could shift and face her over it. "Okay. You talk to the officers like their equals." It was the first of a list of complaints but he wanted to deal with them one at a time.  
  
She curled her lip dramatically. "I'm a civilian now. I can do that."  
  
Jason pointed a stiff finger at the table top, "Not as *my* girlfriend."  
  
Her breath caught in disbelief. She searched the air for the words. "Jason, grow up! You stutter and shuffle around them like your still nineteen years old! You're almost a Chief for cryin' out loud. You have every right to walk as tall as they do."  
  
"I'm still enlisted," he muttered.  
  
"That doesn't make you less! You're blue collar and their white collar. *So what?* That's no reason to dust their chairs like their royalty. The only difference between and Ensign and a Seaman is OCS and a college degree, remember?"  
  
"That's not nothing," he pointed out.  
  
She whapped her hand in the air. "Hey, you and I are both going to college now. A moron could get through this stuff. Now, I know it isn't law school and for that, sure, I'll give ya'll brownie points, but please.." She took a hard drag of her cigarette and crushed it out.  
  
Tiner huffed out his nose. He hadn't made his point.  
  
Jodi turned to face the table and slide her elbows onto it until her chin was nearly on the surface. "Do you remember that day in the E-club in Orlando."  
  
His eyes looked over. "Which one?"  
  
She started to grin, "That asshole from TM school came over and told you Happy Secretary's Day." Tiner started to blush and smile. She continued, "and you knocked him so silly with a left hook he fell onto three pitchers of beer at the next table."  
  
"Nolan," Tiner reminded her.  
  
"Yeah, Seaman Nolan." She brightened that she got a smile out of him. She eyed him and pointed at his nose. "That's the guy I fell in love with twelve years ago. Now I know you have to deal with Zero's all day long, sweetie, but that doesn't forgive you for turning into a blithering idiot every time the Admiral looks at you funny. And it certainly doesn't give you the right to be spineless around me."  
  
Tiner pursed his mouth and fumbled with his coffee some more, but his eyes glanced back up from time to time as she continued.  
  
Her words may have been harsh, but her voice and eyes were gentle and caring, "That in mind, you *do* need to consider my position. If you want the job as a father figure to my boys, you're gonna *be* a father figure, commitment and all. You can't walk in half-assed."  
  
He twisted his head a little, "I don't know how to be a father, Jodi."  
  
She let the breath out of her nose. "I know. But that's what you've got me for. I'll give you OJT 'til the cows come home. But if you step in, you are *instantly* gonna be the male role model. And I don't have any say in that, that's just the way it is. and I'm not gonna have a role model for my rapidly growing little men unless he can pull his balls out of his throat every once in a while and be more of a man than *I* am."  
  
Blue eyes flicked up at that, as insulted as they were surprised.  
  
She winced and shrugged. It was the hard cold truth, insulting or not. "I'm not the only one that changed, Tin Man."  
  
Jason dropped his eyes to his coffee again and pulled up a slurp.  
  
"Look," she said quietly, trying to ease this down. "It's way too soon to be talking about marriage. I don't want you to think I was trying to pressure you." She put her hand on his wrist and tried to look him in the eye, "But I can't move my boys here on a whim. And I can't afford to live alone out here and still finish college. I'd love to. I really would, but the logistics *just don't work*."  
  
Jason looked over at her, trying to see through her eyes and into her soul. "If you didn't have the boys, I mean, if it was just you," his mouth twisted. "What would you have done then?"  
  
She pressed a grin of honesty. "I would have come out this Christmas in a moving truck instead of an airplane," she whispered and smiled through small tears.  
  
His baby blues twinkled at that.  
  
She got up and kissed his temple. "I love you."  
  
He closed his eyes to feel that as thoroughly as he could.  
  
She pulled both mugs away and refreshed their coffees.  
  
Tiner closed his eyes and rested his forehead on the heals of his palms. She had changed, but not in the places that mattered. He gritted his teeth and thought about Seaman Nolan. He smiled again, sucked in a breath and sat up straight as she returned with the coffees.  
  
"So," she said as she pulled out another cigarette. "What do you want to do today? Before the football game, I mean." She pulled in a deep drag and blew it out the side of her mouth as she tossed the lighter back on the table.  
  
Tiner watched her go through this motion. She smoked occasionally when he dated her before, but he forgave her for that because her brother had just died and they were about to go to war with Iraq. His brows lifted again. What timing?!  
  
Jason snicked at this, and it called her attention, but he didn't explain or look at her. He licked his lips, smiled some more, and climbed out of his chair. "I have an idea."  
  
She sat back, attentive, and let him have his say.  
  
Jason Tiner finally found his spine. Wearing nothing but a pair of jeans, he slid open the glass door to the patio behind her and not for a moment flinched at the freezing breeze that poured over them. She shuddered and curled up in a ball in the chair, her brows already wrinkling to spit a dozen cuss words at him, but he stepped over with a pressed mouth, snatched the cigarette from her hand and threw it out to the yard beyond.  
  
"Wha-"  
  
He turned again, picked up the pack, the lighter and the ashtray and gave them each a baseball pitch into the snow.  
  
"What the hell are you doing! Those are four bucks a pack!"  
  
He turned and slammed the door shut with an angry mouth.  
  
Jodi blinked and lifted her brows.  
  
Jason leaned over and slapped his palm loudly on the table in front of her, locking his elbows and narrowing his eyes directly into hers. "If you want me to take this job as the father figure of your kids, then you are going to have to make the deal sweeter than that, *Petty Officer Young*."  
  
Jodi's head whip-lashed backwards.  
  
"When you get home from this trip, you are *going* to work your 'logistical problem' to figure out what it would take to move here. And *then* you are going to figure out what precisely you need from me so that you can still go to school." He put a hard index finger on the table in front of her. "I want detailed *lists*, *explanations* and *risks*, and I want it within a week of your returning to California. Then, and *only* then, will I consider taking the job."  
  
By the time he was finished, she was smiling from ear to ear.  
  
Jason tried to ignore her expression. He backed up a pace, squared his shoulders and jerked his chin down with a stiff, 'so there.'  
  
Jodi's voice was smooth as silk and warm as a soft bed. "I knew you were still in there somewhere."  
  
Jason wrinkled his nose and started silently laughing. He tucked his blushing face away and slapped his sides. "Now if I could just do that at work."  
  
She laughed with him at that and then whined an order. "Go get my cigarettes, will yeah?"  
  
His face splashed with disbelief at her request after he worked so hard for his outburst. He flapped his arm at the door. "Get your own damned cigarettes!"  
  
She stood and dropped her forehead on the sliding glass door wondering if it was worth it.  
  
"On second thought," he said loudly. "Don't get them. Come here."  
  
She turned and her shoulders melted. "What now?"  
  
His brows slanted angrily at her but the glitter was still in his eyes. "Front and center!"  
  
She bit the tip of her tongue and giggled shyly over.  
  
"I may not outrank them, but I sure as hell outrank *you*." He said boisterously as he poked the tip of her nose. She tucked her face into his bare chest and snickered at his sudden mood. "Now, we are going to shit shower and shave so we can go see the cost of apartments around here before we go to the Q to watch the football game."  
  
She looked up, fighting a smile, "Is that the plan of the day?"  
  
He nodded fervently and gritted a grin, "That's the plan of the day. And that's final."  
  
She snickered 'til her face turned red. He smacked her on the lips and pushed her in the direction of the bathroom, but not without slapping her ass as she went. "Move it."  
  
Jodi was cackling by the time she closed the door.  
  
The only people that hung out in the barracks on Christmas day were the ones on watch, the ones with no leave on the books, and the ones too broke to afford a ticket home. That left about thirty people, male and female, to hang out in the TV room and kill time watching the football game. The barracks was the last place Tiner wanted to spend Christmas day, and pizza was the last thing he wanted to eat for Christmas dinner. Jodi didn't even know anybody there, but he understood exactly why she opted for the football game over anything else.  
  
*Maybe I never wanted to be a civilian in the first place.*  
  
Tiner ended up enjoying the game. Gunny Galindez was there. He was just as loud and Budweiser-buzzed as the rest of them. They lazed around on old tweed couches to shout and tease and laugh and drink. And Jodi just fell asleep.  
  
Jason glanced over to where the woman had cuddled up against his shoulder and drifted to a happy doze right there in the middle of the activity. She'd been away from the barracks scene, the navy smell, the loud voices and the profanity, the strangely instant camaraderie and the insider lingo for so many years, this day felt like she was coming home.  
  
Jason weaved his fingers in to hers, sucked down more beer with the other and easily watched the game so she could go to sleep. He knew he would never get her back in black, but it was best that she didn't, so he started to imagine what she'd be like as a Navy wife instead. He started to grin again.  
  
Gunny threw a piece of popcorn at Tiner.  
  
He looked over.  
  
Gunny was buzzed, clearly, but not too drunk. He gave the man a face and mocked his sleeping girlfriend and cute cuddle. "Awe. Look at that."  
  
Tiner's eyes were in love even if he wasn't looking at her. He watched Gunny come behind the couch and started shaking his head wisely. "Don't do it," he warned softly.  
  
Gunny tucked behind the couch and behind their heads as silently as he could. Tiner glanced back at him and tried to warn him again with his eyes.  
  
Gunny paid no attention to him. He was certain the petty officer would get just as much of a laugh from scaring the bejesus out of the woman. In a flash move, he set his hands on the back of the couch and yelled at the top of his marine lungs. "WAKE UP SAILOR!"  
  
Jodi didn't flinch or open her eyes. She simply lifted her free hand over her head and flipped him off.  
  
The gathering laughed at Gunny and he eventually realized that Tiner had warned her with a soft squeeze of her hand. That's when Gunny knew that Tiner's bachelor days were numbered.  
  
But he wasn't the only one whose bachelor days were numbered..  
  
The Admiral's found a simple envelope on his desk right before everyone knocked off for the holiday. It's contents was nothing more than a business card to a custom jewelry store in D.C. AJ Chegwidden made sure that it was hidden deep in his wallet when he went out to spend Christmas day meeting Meredith's extended family. And AJ silently guessed, correctly, how the bearer of that business card was spending his Christmas.  
  
Harm woke up in his own bed and immediately curled around the soft, naked body that was next to him. Mac kept her eyes closed and blushed with discipline not to hop away in fear and get quickly dressed. She let him scoop her body in and tucked her face into his collarbone.  
  
Harm realized she wasn't trying to slip away. He closed his eyes and hummed happily, "Mmm, Santa came this year. and I *must* have been good."  
  
by Kesselia Banta Thanks for reading 


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